Emotionless love
by Toughts in words
Summary: Based off of Sia's Chandelier Imagine Dragons Demons. Tris is a 20yearold alcoholic and Four is a stone faced bastard. Tris' life is a mess, Four is on top of the world but neither are happy. What happens when they meet at a party? What happens when Tris is engaged to a man she doesn't love? Rated T (for coarse language, mentions of sex) ( was 1-2-3 1-2-3 drink,)
1. Prologue

**Prologue**

**Beatrice**

**1, 2, 3**

**1, 2, 3**

**Drink.**

Tris lifts the bottle of tequila to her mouth and swallowed another mouth full of the hard liquor. She knows she won't remember this in the morning, she never does. Why did she drink, you may ask? Tris drank away her problems, although she didn't have many. She wasn't a victim of a crime against humanity such as: abuse of any kind, bullying, divorce, trauma, etc. She didn't have post-traumatic stress, she wasn't schizophrenic or have any mental diseases. Or so she told herself. The rest of the world could tell Tris had depression, social and severe anxiety. Plus on top of that she was anorexic from the depression. She could barely pull herself out of bed, and woke up every day with a hangover, party or not.

Tris hadn't always been this way. Once upon a time Tris had been a crazy, fun, loving and compassionate person but on her eighteenth birthday, she turned on the world. She was out shopping with her parents when a robber took control of the small shop. He told everyone to put their phones on the table but her parents refused. They tried to call 911 twice. The first time they were cut off and second time they succeeded only to be shot down, right in front of their eighteen year old daughter, who was now 20. Tris had never been the same. Unlike everyone else she didn't go to university the next year. Instead she stayed home and drank herself sick.

Tris had a brother who worked somewhere off the coast of sunny California. At one point she planned to live there get a job as an actor working for Dauntless Stunts but she swallowed those dreams away with a bottle of whiskey. Instead she lived in the Bronx of New York and worked at a liquor store so she would get a discount on all the alcohol she needed. Her life was a mess, she dressed like a slut, went out to clubs and parties every night, drank herself sick and was afraid of having friends. She was scared they'd leave her. She was scared she would lose them. So she stuck[JM1] to the whole lone wolf thing.

More than anything, Tris wanted to get her life on track, but didn't know how. She told herself that she didn't need alcohol, but she was addicted. It was her drug, her light to her dark world, her escape, her anti-depressant, her happiness, even if it only lasted a few minutes, a few hours sometimes. She'd try to not drink, she tried to stop, and she tried to get her life under control. She tried going to a therapist, she thought she had tried everything but what waited for her in the future was a life the type of life she always wanted to have. The problem was she might not make it that long. Tris' life was a vicious circle that was slowly and carefully killing her. If she kept up with this circle she would be dead in a matter of two years at most.

Even when her life was falling apart Tris still dreamt of a good life. Dying beside her husband, watching her children grow old, watching over the grandchildren. She had given up on being an actor or stunt woman, now she dreamt of going to rehab, getting help. Tris dreamt of singing her worries away, like many other artist. She wanted to be able to put all of her emotion into a song and let the words flow on to a page. She tried to do it sober but only lasted a couple of hours before she gave up.

Tris began to sing. The words spilled from her mouth like water, her voice almost hypnotic.

"Party girls don't get hurt  
Can't feel anything, when will I learn  
I push it down, push it down  
I'm the one "for a good time call"  
Phone's blowin' up, they're ringin' my doorbell  
I feel the love, feel the love

1 2 3, 1 2 3, drink  
1 2 3, 1 2 3, drink  
1 2 3, 1 2 3, drink  
Throw 'em back, till I lose count

I'm gonna swing from the chandelier, from the chandelier  
I'm gonna live like tomorrow doesn't exist, like it doesn't exist  
I'm gonna fly like a bird through the night, feel my tears as they dry  
I'm gonna swing from the chandelier, from the chandelier

And I'm holding on for dear life  
Won't look down won't open my eyes  
Keep my glass full until morning light  
Cause I'm just holding on for tonight  
Help me, I'm holding on for dear life  
Won't look down, won't open my eyes  
Keep my glass full until morning light  
Cause I'm just holding on for tonight  
On for tonight

Sun is up, I'm a mess  
Gotta get out now, gotta run from this  
Here comes the shame, here comes the shame."

Tris cried, she cried for help, she cried for her parents, she cried for friends, she cried for love, she cried for someone, anyone. She fought a war against herself and the side that wanted her to die was winning. She wanted to be happy she wanted to win but no one was there to teach her. She wanted to succeed, to in against the odds, to live to thrive. To be married, to have kids, to die old with her husband, who loved her more than anything. Would she make it? That was a question not even Tris herself could answer.

Tris let out one more exasperated cry for help and lifted the bottle to her lips again as she fell into the darkness were she could be anything.


	2. Chapter 1

**Chapter 1**

**Four**

**Though this is all for you,**

**Don't want to hide the truth.**

Four sits on his bed and stares out the window to the world below. He never thought he'd make it here, after being told so many times he was a worthless piece of shit by his so called father. He always thought one day that beast would beat him in till he died and then get away with his murder. Four had scars, he had memories, he had wished his death, and he had been through hell.

Four had been a wreck, after watching Marcus, his 'father' beat his mother, then throw her in front of a car. Four stood there an innocent boy, he had watched as his 'father' had killed his mother for being pregnant. He had watched as his 'father' had pretended to be completely innocent in court. He lied when the judge asked him if Marcus had indeed pushed her. Just like a good boy. He did what he was told but that didn't change Marcus' mind. If Four left so much as a sock on the floor in his room, he would have to deal with a grueling beating.

That innocent boy turn in to a player, desperate for love, all throughout high school. He broke girl's hearts, and moved on never wanting to get attached. He put all his anger in to sports and had a hard time trusting anyone. He left that innocent boy for a cold stone faced bastard, as everyone had called him. Not that it mattered to him, he was called worse by his father

For the first time in his life Four was free, he was on top of the whole darn world but he wasn't happy. Yes almighty Four had quite the group of friends, all of which he knew before he was famous, but no one loved him for him. Not one girl he talked to would look at him with curiosity and love for him, just greed, need and adoration for money. Sure he shouldn't complain but he does anyways.

"Hey, Zeke, you wana come over and get drunk?" He asks after dialing his best friend. As a matter of fact Four hated getting drunk alone. He'd rather have someone to do stupid shit with then have no one at all.

_"__Actually I was just about to call you and say that there was a party atUri's place tonight, and I was going to bring you." _Zeke responds his voice obscured by the phone.

"Oh cool, what time?" Four continues to stare at the city below him, sounding completely dazed.

_"__I'll drop by at eight." _Zeke states and hung up the phone.

Placing the phone on the table, Four glanced at the clock placed on his bedside table, it read 4:00 p.m. he had about 4 hours to ready himself. Too long for him. He had too much time to think, think about his dad, his girlfriend who never came around anymore or even the way he felt about her.

Four no longer liked Robin Alicante, he never really did. She turned into a rich snob who snuck off with some other guy every night. She went from having beautiful auburn hair, to dying her head a bleach blond. She wore clothes too small for her, she got very drunk and kissed people behind his back because he didn't want to be with her twenty-four/seven. This sluty-ass bitch, per use of Christina (one of his friends), had let the fame get to her head and he hated her for it. So he called her up.

"Robin?" He asked and inwardly cringed when he heard the deep moan come from the phone.

"Hey babe, you know this isn't a good time, I'm at my uhh mom's house." On any other day he'd say 'oh, sorry. Call me back,' but this wasn't normal. He was mad, he was pissed off and he wanted it all over.

"Good, it'll take a minute," he knows he sounds cold and cut off but he could care less. "It's over, okay? I know you've been sneaking around with your little boyfriends so don't even try the whole apology thing. Oh and make sure to tell that guy your screwing that he's messing with the wrong guy." Four finishes exasperated and angry. Before she could even say a word he hung up.

He headed to the gym, in his apartment, flustered and strangely relieved, as if it had been weighing down on his shoulders. He felt weightless whilst he punched the bag that hung from the ceiling and for once he was excited to go to a party.


	3. Chapter 2

**Chapter 3**

**Tris **

**Keep my glass full till morning light,**

**Cause I'm just holding on for tonight,**

Tris woke up the next morning with a huge headache, her hangovers seemed to be getting worse and she knew if she didn't get help soon enough she would drink herself dead. Moving was the first step to her plan, where would she go? Tris had no idea, she would go where ever the road took her and her motorcycle. She wouldn't bring anything with her, she would leave her fail of a life behind but easier said than done.

Tris packed clothes and put her apartment up for rent. It wasn't the hardest part, she had to sell all of her furniture and get everything she would need to fit in to a backpack. She did manage, but she had the worse time throwing away the alcohol. She tried to do it but it was like trying to throw away her life, it was the only think that kept her sane.

"When will I ever learn," Tris sighed and picked up the next bottle. "You ruined my chances of having a life!" She exclaimed while throwing the bottle against the wall. "Why did it have to be me?! Why couldn't it have been someone else?! Arghhhh!" She yelled as she hurtled the bottles against the wall. She garbed the last bottle and unscrewed the cap. Without thinking she tipped the bottle back and drank, only pausing for air. Tears poured down Tris' pale cheeks, she never got why this had to happen to her. She was only holding on for tonight.

Tris grabbed a coat and ran down the stairs to her motorcycle. She threw her leg over the bike and drove off she drove to the place she always went, the bar. Every one there knew who she was so they let her paced the line and watched as she ordered drink after drink. She could feel the stares especially this one man that watched her from across the bar. She could feel his eyes try to drink her up and it bothered her, to the point she decided to leave.

Tris was too drunk to even see that the man was following her. He followed her all the way back to her apartment, he watched her as she closed the door and retreated to the bottle of whisky on the kitchen counter. She drank a few mouth fills before she even acknowledged the fact that some was knocking on the door. Placing the bottle on the counter she pulled herself off the ground and swayed her way to the door.

"What do you want?" she asked annoyed that someone would be bothering her at 7:00 p.m. on a Friday night. A man stood before her, the same man from the bar, his face flushed and he looked frustrated.

"You." Was all that he said before smacking his lips against hers and pushing his way through the door frame. She was confused, Tris didn't know this man. She had never seen him before tonight, so why would he want to kiss her?

She tried to push him off which only got herself a smack in the face. He threw her on her mattress on the floor. Tris' brain was clouded by the alcohol she had only just consumed, not that she was a light weight. She couldn't understand what this man wanted, didn't she? There was a small part in her brain that screamed at her but she didn't listen. She refused to believe he would want to do that to her, would he? He wouldn't want her, she claimed to look like a 16 year old, and who would want to do that to her, would he? Was he that sick?

"What do you want from me?" She asked, surprised that her voice was steady. He let out a sickening laugh, and stared at her body beneath him.

"If you stay quiet you could come with me a free woman or I could tie your arms and tape your mouth, no one would care." She felt tears well up in her eyes and blink them away. She refused to cry in front of this maniac.

Tris screamed as loud as she could but no one would listen. She lived in the Bronx, people screamed all the time, it was normal. Hot pain seared on her cheek, he had slapped her. His fist flew her way, hitting her smack dap on her jaw. It hurt but the alcohol she had consumed made the pain more bearable. Slowly Tris lifted her hands in surrender, she bowed her head and stood up so he could take her, there was no use fighting him.

"Now that's a good girl." She could hear the smile in this man's voice, he was twisted. "We're going back to my place to get you cleaned up then heading to a party." He grab her and shoved her against the wall in front of her. She let out a yelp of surprise and he laughed, a cold hard laugh. "You are mine now, I own you and there is nothing you," He pushed her in to the wall again. "Can do about it."

Tris was screwed, why was it always her? She heard stories about people being captured and abused, sold to the sex trade or even being killed but she never thought it would happen to her, she didn't even know this man and he wanted her for some strange reason that she couldn't even explain.

Tris Prior was as good as dead.


	4. Chapter 3

**Chapter 4**

**Four**

**Don't want to let you down,**

**But I am hell bound,**

Four threw on some black jeans and a navy blue shirt, not caring at all if he looked presentable. Putting on some basketball shoes he opened the door to find Zeke standing there, looking happy as one could be. Zeke has never been this happy before.

"Dude, what's with the happy face?" Four asked, curious to why his best friend was smiling like an idiot.

"Oh, ya know, I asked Shauna out and she kinda said yes. No big deal right." He answers, a mischievous smirk making its way onto both men's faces.

"Zeke man, that's amazing. Hate to say it but I told you she'd say yes." Four responded.

"Hey, I've been meaning to ask you, how are things with Robin?" Zeke said, and Four's face went slack. He hadn't told anyone about the fact he had practically heard Robin having sex with someone else. He was hurt to find it out, Four had thought Robin wasn't like that but apparently she was.

"We-I broke up with her." Four could hear the coldness in his own voice. "She never wanted to be around me, she changed. She went from the girl I fell in love with to a full out whore. So I called her to break up with her and she told me she was at her mom's place. I was about to hang up when I heard a moan, like seriously, way to make it obvious. So I broke up with her." His tone told Zeke not to talk about anymore.

"So this party is at a Uriah's flat. So umm, maybe we could get you a hook up?" Zeke looked at him as they walked out to Four's vibrant green corvette stingray 2014.

"Nah, I was thinking we just get drunk and do some stupid shit, ya know the usual." He said a smirk played on his lips. They laughed, got in the car and drove to Uriah's flat in the heart of Long Island.

It was a long and silent drive. For both of them this was a great day, Four was free from any ties to Robin and Zeke was finally a taken man. The only thing that could make it better would be if Four could score himself a girl. It couldn't be just any girl. It had to be a woman, kind, beautiful, single, brave, intelligent, honest and selfless. Why single, you might ask? After having his ex-girlfriend cheat on him he knew that it could destroy someone.

Four now remembered the days were he would cheat on girls and he felt eternally sorry for doing that to them. He wished that he hadn't been that way, maybe he would have had more than only Zeke as a friend. Maybe he would have been more than just an emotionless asshole. Maybe he would have been a better person now.

As for his real name, Zeke was the only one who had heard him say it but had mostly forgotten about it. He called himself Four because that was his mother's favorite number. She loved the number because it was half of eight, which when turned sideways way infinity and she told him that nothing was infinite. Sure if you look at the numbers, there is an infinite amount of numbers in between zero and one but everything living fades away.

Uriah's flat was huge. It had four bedrooms, four bathrooms, huge living room and a large kitchen. He knew he would be staying the night, he always did. He stayed in one room, Zeke and Shauna (Zeke's new girlfriend) in another, Uriah and Marlene (Uriah's girlfriend) in the master and Lynn, Shauna's little sister and Uriah's friend, in the last one. They had all grown up together and now all work for Dauntless Stunts. Well… all except Four, he worked at Dauntless Stunts but hadn't always lived in New York.

When Four was 13 he and his once happy family moved from D.C. to Long Island. His father had given up on working in finance to fulfill his lifelong dream of becoming mayor of Brooklynn and Queens. Of course, Marcus, being the persuasive and lying Bastard, he got the job with no questions asked. From then on Marcus wanted the perfect family, he became abusive toward Four's mother, Everlyn. Marcus was power hungry, he love the way his wife would beg him to stop or even when his son told him that he was a fucking lunatic. He loved the way that he had power over them. When Everlyn told him she was pregnant, he went over the edge. He would trash the house, and for the first time he hit his son. That's why he killed her, he hated how this unborn child had the power to make him crazy.

As they pulled up to the building, Four shivered. Not from the cold but from the memory, he could fell his father's hands on his cheeks, his father's belt on his bare back. It wasn't the most pleasant memory Four had of his father.

The party had only just started as the two men got out of the car. And damn Uriah could throw one hell of a party.

**Hey guys,**

**I hope your liking the story.**

**question of the day: What should I call you guys, other than guys? review and tell me what you want and then we'll do a vote. **

**OMG GUYS I'M SO SORRY! I REUPLOADED THE SAME CHAPTER! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH SO SORRY!**

**-J**


	5. Chapter 4

**Chapter 4**

**Tris **

**Party girls don't get hurt,**

**Can't feel anything, when will I learn,**

The man brought Tris back to his home in Long Island. It was an overly large house with 6 bedrooms (all quite large), four full bathrooms and three half baths, a library (filled with almost very book you could imagine), a den, an enormous kitchen, a four car garage, a large basement with a game room and a lot more rooms. That wasn't what fascinated Tris the most, it was the backyard. A large willow tree sat in the middle of the beautiful yard, along with a salt water pool and huge garden. Tris stared in awe. She thought this lunatic of a man would have brought her to an old shack in the middle of nowhere but he didn't and she was grateful for that.

"Okay so here's what's going to happen, you are going to pretend to be my Fiancé and you're not going to tell anyone anything about what's really going on. Your new name is going to be Amanda McKay, learn to love it. I'm going to go get my maid to help you pick out a ring and an outfit for tonight, so don't do anything you'll regret." With that he leaves Tris standing in the overly large living room of oversized mansion. She could run but he'd most likely catch her and do God knows what to her, plus she had never been good at running.

Sitting down on the plush white coach Tris put her head in her small hands. She hadn't realized she was crying in till she felt her cheeks. They were wet, and black from the mascara she had been wearing, her hair was a rat's nest and her clothes crumpled and messy. She needed to shower but was scared of what she'd do to herself if she was left alone. She wanted to curl up in a tiny ball and die. It was always her that got the short end of the stick. Why was it always her?! She wanted to scream, shout or even throw a fit.

The man came back down the grand staircase, with a woman about her age. She had a mousy face, long brown hair, beautiful hazel/green eyes and she was a lot taller than Tris. He introduced her as Lauren Mac Dole **(Lauren from divergent) **and told Tris that she would be the only other person that knows the truth about her. She hated him, she had every piece of his entire being, she wanted to run up to and strangle him, even though she hardly knew him, but she stayed planted on the chair. She hardly knew this man but she wanted him to die, she didn't even know his freaking name, for God's sake.

"Are you even going to tell me your name?" The words slipped her mouth, she wished she could take them back apologizes but he spoke before her. His words heavy from exhaustion and boredom.

"Peter, Peter Hayes." Was all he said as he turned on his heel and stalked out of the room. She would have call out to his retreating figure. Seen if he could at least feed her but was stopped by the look on Lauren's face. Lauren shook her head, witch told her: _he's in a mood, you don't want to mess with him right know_.

Lauren escorted her to a bedroom that looked like the master. Strange, was Peter planning on having her sleep in the same bed as him? Was he planning on taking her virginity? Tris refused to think about that and focus on the task at hand.

"So, what kind of party are we going to?" Tris asked Lauren as she stared in awe at the overly large woman's closet packed with all different designers. The tags hadn't even been taken off of the clothes, and man were they expensive. _How could Peter even afford to buy these?_ Tris thought. Was he trying to spoil her and find a way to make her stay?

The closet was packed with reds, yellows, blues, greys (of all shades) but most of the closet belong to a collection of black clothing, shoes and accessories. Almost all of the black clothes had white, gold or silver accent, so if Tris did chose to wear it she would not look like a Goth.

"Well, based off what Peter told me, the party is hosted by Uriah, a rich actor, and is not really fancy but skirt worthy." Lauren says and for a second Tris forgot that she was a captive but rather thought if Lauren and Tris had met on different circumstances, would they have been friends? "Oh! If you don't want to stand out I would wear dark clothing but it is your decision." Lauren was so well mannered, Tris wondered, yet again, if it had been Peters doing or the way she was brought up.

"What about this?" Tris picked up a red skater dress with a black lace back that went down to her lower back. Lauren nodded enthusiastically, as if telling her she had made the right choice. Lauren eyes a pair of black seven inch pumps and picked up a simple gold chain necklace and matching bracelet.

"Now for your make-up." Lauren said as she clapped her hands together. "We're going to keep it really simple and just do lipstick, lip gloss, mascara and eyeliner 'cause you are already gorgeous but before that," Lauren said as she pushed a now flushed Tris in the direction of the bathroom. "You missy need to take a shower." Laughing Tris obliged and step in to the bathroom.

It was luxurious, a bathtub, with jets, sat in the corner with a large window over top of it. The shower was a cave like shower with mosaic tiles surrounding the walls and a glass door. Behind a door was the toilet and sink. Stepping of the mat at the door she shivered, the cold of the tile sinking in to her feet.

Tris undressed herself whilst turning on the water, hot but not hot enough to burn herself. Turning around she stared at herself in the overly large mirror like the rest of the house. Her hair was too long alone with her nose and eyes. Her eyes looked skunked in, perhaps from lack of sleep, her bones stuck out of her body, well most on her abdomen and shoulders. She would never be beautiful, never has been never will be, as she told herself. She wasn't ugly, but she definitely wasn't attractive, either.

Sighing Tris step in to the luke warm shower. It soothed her sore muscles and she finally relaxed. Maybe begin Peters captor wouldn't be as bad as she thought it would be. Maybe he would treat her with care, nourish her and care for her, as if she were a real woman. Her hand rand down her shoulders and over ever part of her bony body.

This wasn't the life she had always dreamed of, but she guessed dreams don't really come true, or do they?

**Hey guys,**

**i'm sorry this took so long to fix, it's cause my parents cut me off WIFI at 9. urgh.**

**anyways chapter 5 might take a while to update cause, I had half of it type and then my pc crashed and I lost it. I was so mad.**

**Question of the day: What's the last book you read?**

**Answer of the day: Unearthly by: Cynthia Hand**

**-J**


	6. Chapter 5

**Chapter 5**

**Four**

**Don't get to close,**

**It's dark inside,**

The party was in full swing when Zeke and Four walked in to the dimly light living room. People were everywhere, in every corner of the luxurious apartment, in which Uriah lived. The music blasted through the speakers, strategically placed in the corners, where no one would hit them. Talking a deep breath Four's nostrils filled themselves with the over powering smell of alcohol and sweat. He looked over his shoulder, looking for Zeke and found his best friend no longer by his side. Sighing he weaved his way through the dancers, the kissers and even the awkward people that just stand there and do nothing all party.

After searching for Zeke for ten long minutes Four found him talking enthusiastically to his so called friends. He headed to the bar and grabbed a beer hoping to forget the events of the afternoon. He made his way over to them only to be met with looks of pity and sad smiles. Without even reaching them he turned on his heal and walked in the other way. Shouldn't they have learned by now that he didn't want pity, that he, in fact, HATED pity? Aren't they supposed to be his friends?

His head spun, there were too many people in this room. He felt sick, his claustrophobia getting to him. Maybe it was the fact he had nothing else to think about. Or even the fact that the beer had obviously been spiked with some cheap cherry vodka, heck it was probably not even beer. Did these people have nothing better to do with their pathetic lives? He wasn't a lightweight, so that removed the possibility of it being the alcohol in his stereotypical red cup. It was definitely his fear of small spaces.

Four hadn't always been afraid of small spaces. He developed this fear after the death of his mother, when Marcus had begun to beat that innocent boy, he once was. After a grueling beating Marcus would shove the young boy into a small linen closet and lock the door, leaving him in there for hours sometimes even days without food or water. As he got older, the space got smaller and his fear got worse. His father had screwed him up, he took the stairs instead of the elevator. He hated buses and crowds. He was just one messed up kid.

Four stopped and help is pounding head. He was all over the place, his breath was quick, his head was pounding and he was quite dizzy. Taking a deep breath Four continued to push his way through the crowed area to the door of Uriah's apartment. As he got closer he began to feel immensely sick. He knew he needed air and he needed it now.

Four grabbed the handle of the door and pushed it open, only to be met face to face with another man. He was definitely younger than Four, he had short cropped light brown hair, green eyes and a bulky build.

"What the fuck?! Watch were you're going man!" The young man yelled at Four, what was his problem? Four began to apologize when his ears were flooded by a voices that was as sweet as honey.

"Peter, babe, calm down. I'm sure…" she paused waiting for Four to announce his name.

"Four." He answered dazed by this voice. Dazed by this woman.

"I'm sure that Four didn't mean to run into you it was most likely accident." Her voices was smooth and soothing. She had long dark blond hair and big, but not too big, grey/blue eyes. Her body, oh her body, she was skinny, too skinny for it to be healthy. She was beautiful already, Four could only imagine what she would look like had she been feed probably. He wondered what it would be like to hold her in is arms, but he dismissed the thought for she was already with Peter.

"I'll calm down if I want to_, Amanda_." Peter said his voice low and supposed to be intimidating. Amanda that was the woman's name, did not suit her at all. He didn't know how he could know this but deep down in his heart he knew that this was not her name. Plus Peter had made it pretty obvious when he said her name as if it were forced.

Four didn't want to barge in on Peter and Amanda's life but something was seriously wrong with the picture they had painted in front of him. It was almost as if Peter was holding on to Amanda as if she would run away, then there was the fact that Amanda did not suit this girl and also the way Peter had snapped at this girl without a second thought.

"Look man, I didn't mean to run into you but I did and I can take it back, sorry." Four exclaimed exasperated. He stole a glance at Amanda, her eyes screamed for help but she bit her lip and looked away, so Four being Four began to stall. "Plus that's no way to treat a lady, especially one this beautiful." He meant every single word he told that bastard.

"Don't you dare," Peter grabbed his shirt and shoved Four up against the wall right next to the door. "Tell me how to treat my fiancé or run my life!" His breath was hot against Four's face. He was way to close and Four could smell a small trace of alcohol but nothing that would affect his demeanor.

"Oh, sure you do. You totally can treat your_ fiancé _by starving her." The words didn't come from Four's mouth, they came out of Amanda's mouth, sarcastic and rough. Peter's hands turned into fist and he let go of Four. He braced himself for Peter punch but it never came. Instead he heard a _SMACK!_ And a gasp.

Amanda clutched her red cheek and a look of pure hatred crossed her beautiful face. She turned and brought her fist up to Peters face and smiled when he swayed and moaned in pain. Recovering quickly Peter brought his foot up to Amanda's chest and forced her to the hardwood floor, winding her. He brought his foot down again and again.

"Enough! Enough!" Four yelled, coming out of his daze. Peter refused to stop. He grabed Peter and punched him in the temple, making him pass out.7

"Four," Amanda moaned. He scooped her up in his arms and carried her out to his car. He carefully placed her in the backseat of his gorgeous car.

This was going to be a long night.

**Hey guys,**

**So this chapter might not be that good but deal with it.**

**Question of the day: What country do you live in.**

**Answer of the day: Canada and no I do not like or know Justin Bieber (I think that's how you spell it?)**


	7. Chapter 6

**Chapter 6**

**Tris **

Sun is up, I'm a mess,   
Gotta get out now, gotta run from this**, ****  
**Here comes the shame, here comes the shame**.**

_Don't let anyone know, they can't know, anything I tell them will ruin my chances of being alive tomorrow. _Tris continues to chant to herself as they pull up to the building in which the party is being held. Putting on a fake smile, Tris and Peter make their way up to the apartment on the very last floor. She looped her arm through Peters extended one, it was muscly and he wrapped it too tightly around hers as if to tell Tris that she couldn't run if she even tried.

Peter practically dragged Tris' body up all the flights of the stairs. Why hadn't they taken the elevator? Tris didn't know, but then again Tris didn't know much of what Peter ever did. Maybe he was bipolar, that would explain him being very on and then off. Or maybe he was just fully mentally unstable, it wouldn't surprise her at all. Ever since he refused to feed her, not even a smidgen because she was too fat, she hated him with a burning passion. Tris had already hated this man but the insult threw her over the edge, she was already insecure in every way when it came to her body.

Tris' mind wandered back to when she was in high school. She hated school, more than anything she ever hated before. A girl, Molly, would always pick on her for being a goody two shoes, a smart ass, Molly called her too fat to even be human. Tris had cried herself to sleep but was too selfless to let anyone she had been struggling, she should have known better. The only person that knew what happened on a daily basis was Al.

Al, a good friend of hers, had been the only one she cared for really. He was her only supporter, he got her through life when she had wanted to die, but after the death of her parents, she leaned to heavily on him and he walked away. Tris was devastated, it was the first time she tried to commit suicide and definitely not the last time. Word had gotten around school of what had happened and Al came to her. He told her to kill herself that she was just a piece of worthless shit. She broke down right then and there, Tris could hear the laugh of those brainwashed teens. She tried to kill herself again but later resorted to alcohol as her permanent solution.

At grad, everyone showed up hugging and crying because they wouldn't see each other on a daily basis, Tris stood in the background only half into it. She was still buzzed from an earlier celebration she gave herself for graduating. She hardly even noticed when a boy came to see her. He took her by the shoulders and only then did she notice who this boy was. Al. She hated him, she wished she could cause him pain. All of the pain she had felt after he left.

He had come to ask forgiveness for his sins, forgiveness in which she could never give him. And she told him that. She let her feelings for him pour out of her now blackened soul, she told him how much she hated him, how much he had ruined her life. Tris had turned ad left a tearful Al standing in the corner.

Al had killed himself that night. That night that was supposed to be a happy and celebrative night. People came by his family's house offering condolences but found no one there. Tris had stayed in her family's house cooped up in her parent's bed as she cried, it was all her fault. If she had just forgiven him-

"Amanda! Are you even listening?" Peter said as he turned his head at Tris but truth be told she hadn't be listening. She had been so deep in her thoughts that she hadn't even realized they were standing at the door of the apartment. "I said-"

Peter started but was stopped by the door begin burst open by a young man. He looked a bit older than her, with dark brown hair that looked black, he had a spare upper lip and full bottom lip and his eyes. Oh, his eyes they were deep sea blue that held some many stories that he tried to hide.

""What the fuck?! Watch were you're going man!" The Peter yelled at the young man, jeez did Peter ever calm down?

"Peter, babe, calm down. I'm sure…" Tris paused waiting for the man to announce his name.

"Four." He answered slightly dazed by she had no idea.

"I'm sure that Four didn't mean to run into you it was most likely accident." Tris said in the softest voice she could muster. Four stared at her, her body, her hair, her entire figure. She suddenly felt very subconscious. He could see that she hadn't been eating properly. She wondered what else could he see, could he see the way Peter held her too tightly. Or the way she held a plea in her eyes.

"I'll calm down if I want to_, Amanda_." She flinched at her fake name. The tone of his voice was final and told her she would get it if she kept talking. In other words he was telling her to shut up or there would be consequences. Tris inwardly cringed, she thought of what he would do to her when they got back to the house.

Tris could tell he was hesitant to do anything. He could tell that something was wrong but she refused to tip him off. She wanted him to help her so badly, but feared the consequences. She was a coward and she knew it, Four knew it, Peter knew it. Where do cowards like her go? They go nowhere, they stay put and never succeed this was what was going to happen to her.

"Look man, I didn't mean to run into you but I did and I can't take it back, sorry." Four exclaimed exasperated. Tris caught Four's, she knew hers held a silent plea but she bit her cheek and looked away. This man didn't deserve to be caught up in her screwed up life, he deserved to be free to do what he wanted. "Plus that's no way to treat a lady, especially one this beautiful." Wouldn't he just shut up! She was trying to save him and he just wouldn't stop would he?!

"Don't you dare," Peter grabbed Four's shirt and slammed his muscly body up against the wall right next to the door. "Tell me how to treat my fiancé or run my life!" Four had done it now, she mentally slapped him.

"Oh, sure you do. You totally can treat your_ fiancé _by starving her." The words slipped out of Tris mouth, sarcastic and rough. Peter's hands turned into fist and he let go of Four. She inwardly cringed and prepared herself but didn't expect what happened next. She gasped.

Tris clutched her face, Peter had _hit_ her, he had_ hit_ her in a public place! She was filled with so much hatred and adrenalin that Tris turned and brought her fist up to Peters face and smiled when he swayed and moaned in pain. Recovering quickly Peter brought his foot up to Tris' chest and forced her to the hardwood floor, winding her. Tris gasped for breath, she couldn't breathe. He brought his foot down again and again. She coughed her chest ached, her arm was most likely broken, tears were at the rimes of her eyes but she refused to cry, not in front of them.

"Enough! Enough!" she heard Four yell but everything was a blur, all she could feel was the pain. Why did this always happen to her. She wanted to die, she wanted to tell Four to let her die but she couldn't get anything like that out.

"Four," Tris moaned as everything turned black.

**hey guys,**

**I'm sooooooo sorry I didn't update. I'm at a swim meet (very important) and haven't had the time and wont be updating until Tuesday. i'm sorry but this swim meet is extremely important to me sooo yah.**

**Question of the day: What sport do you do? If you play any, if not then any extra activities?**

**Answer of the day: If you didn't notice I swim. \_(0~0)_/**


	8. Chapter 7

**Chapter 7**

**Four**

**I want to hide the truth,**

**I want to shelter you.**

The second story of Four's apartment was where he found Amanda a place to rest, while he called his friends and told them he had gone home sick. It was a lot easier lying to them through the phone then face to face because Christina was most likely a human lie detector. It all made sense her parents both worked in the police force working in the lie detector side of it, so she had grown up not being able to lie.

Amanda's body was limp against the smooth surface of his newly bought sofa. He actually debated if he should call someone to help but later thought better of it. She would most likely not talk to someone she didn't even know. She didn't really know him, either, although he wanted to know him inside out. Why? Four couldn't explain exactly why he wanted to pour his life out to her. She drawled him in while she kicked everyone out, while she pushed them away. He wanted to hold her, comfort her, protect her and keep her as safe as he possibly could. Four hated the fact she could do that to him without even having talked to each other.

"Fuck." Four mumbled as he stepped on something lying on the hard wood floors. Slowly, he bent don't and picked the small object up, turning it around in his large hands. Four scrunched up his eyebrows, why would there be a necklace on the floor? Then he realized that it was most likely Amanda's. It was beautiful, a simple silver chain held a simple locket as big as the tip of his middle finger.

Should Four open it? The curiosity of who or what was on the inside of the locket. He carefully runs his finger along the smooth surface, only to find it was smooth. He ran his finger along the back of it again whilst he turned it around. Along the front of the locket was three birds in flight. The birds outlined in gold, filled in with black. It was absolutely gorgeous, no other words could describe it or her.

"GO AWAY! PLEASE! JUST LEAVE ME ALONE! Please…. Please." Amanda yells, who would she be telling to go away?

"Mum? Dad? MUM!? DAD!? Please….. please don't leave me. I need you… don't go. Please, please." Four stood up, and sat beside her on the small sofa and reached a hand to her cheeks. Wiping her tears and hugging her close he let her cry in to his muscular chest, for a second she stiffened but eventually hugged him back. It felt amazing, she is amazing.

He wondered what was going through her mind at the moment. Why would Amanda be hugging a complete stranger, hell why would he be hugging a complete stranger? For some reason it felt familiar, so comforting and he loved it. Urgh! He couldn't get this girl out of his head! It was annoying, frustrating but he for an unknown reason he adored it, like it was a drug.

"Four?" Said the smallest voice he had ever heard. It shocked him to the core, she was vulnerable and he couldn't stand it. He wanted to kill Peter for treating her this way.

"Yes, Amanda?" he said in the softest voice he could muster, although he knew she didn't want his pity.

"Don't you want to know why Peter lashed out at me?" Her question struck him as weird. Why would she ask him that? Shouldn't she know that she shouldn't have to tell him?

"Only if you want to but if you do start from the start, the very start." He told her, wishing she agreed to tell him. His wish came true when she took a deep breath and started from the begging.

"I was born December 11th 1993, I have an older brother named Caleb who is born on February 14th 1992. My parents were young when they has us, my mum was 18 and my dad was 19, so growing up it was hard and we never had much or got much, they were very much in to putting other people before themselves and taught us the same.

"My brother and I were as close as could be, in elementary school he was one of my only friends, I only had four. We hung out all through to middle school and then they slowly disappeared. Two of them were brother and sister moved away to Greece, the other one abounded me with my brother. It bothered me to no end, was he too good for me? But no, I later found out that he had been asked to attend a boarding school across the country, and he was just slowly letting me go." She took a deep breath as if it was painful to talk about.

"High school was the years that changed me, I was smaller than most girls and shyer. I was called many things by boys and girls, hell the whole school population thought they were better than me. I didn't know anyone and no one made an effort to be my friend. In till half way through the year, a boy named Albert, although he prefers to be called Al, came to our school. He was sweet and we became friends easily because he was made fun of for his size. He stuck by my side talked me through the times I wanted to end my life, he was the only person outside my family that cared for me." She choked on her words and tears came down her cheeks, Four wanted to tell her she didn't need to tell him about her passed but she dried her eyes and carried on.

"Senior year came around and Al became friends with the popular kids, heck he even got a girlfriend but left me to suffer on my own, that wa-was the first time I-I-I tried to commit suicide. It was the day before my birthday, that wasn't the worst part. My parents and I went shopping for my birthday, after I was cleared by the hospital as fit to leave. We went to a lot of places and they bought me a few things, nothing special. In till we got to a jewelry store, my parents bought me a locket, it is gorgeous." She sighed debating about something, he could see it in her face.

"Anyways that was off topic, they died that day." She stifled a sob and continued. "I had been living on my own when I met Peter, he brought me in and cared for me but I don't want to bore you with the details." She finished a guilty look in her gorgeous eyes.

"Soo, he hasn't ever lashed out at you before?" Four asked, uncertain of himself.

"No, no he never has."

**Hey guys,**

**so this was a much needed update.**

**I want to tell you guys that I am thankful for all of your lovely reviews. In case your wondering I didn't do to good at my swim meet, I only got to best times but that's okay.**

**Umm, I was going to tell you something else.**

**oh yah! I didn't update sooner because I'm very supportive of my summer pool and we had a wter polo game yesterday, so I did that instead. sorry.**

**Question of the day: Any ideas on what I should call you? it has to be original.**

**Answer of the day: No idea that why I'm asking you.**

**~J**


	9. Chapter 8

**Chapter 8**

**Tris**

I'm gonna live like tomorrow doesn't exist, like it doesn't exist

I'm gonna fly like a bird through the night, feel my tears as they dry

_I'm in a room, it's so small to the point it almost makes me feel claustrophobic. The room has no windows so I have no idea what time it is or if I scream, that some person would hear me. Where am I? Someone materializes in the corner of the room, a man. His build strong but his face black as if it were a mask. Why would he be wearing a mask? I struggle to move for my wrist, feet and mouth are all bound. I continue to struggle against the restraints. I don't want to die but then again, maybe I do. It would be a lot easier than fighting everything. Maybe…_

_The man moves closer slowly, as if he were a cat approaching his prey. His hands balled into fists and he holds a knife in one of them. A knife! That's it I'm so dead now. Tell the world I hate it, tell everyone who even gives the smallest fuck about me, thank you. Why is it always me! It's always fucking ME! No matter how hard I try, I always get the shitty way. I always choose wrong, and here I am silently praying that this man will kill me. Maybe I should just accept the fact that I'm going to die._

_"__GO AWAY! PLEASE! JUST LEAVE ME ALONE! Please…. Please." I yell, but my voice is muffled by the robe that burns my mouth._

_The man grabs my hair and hoist me up, cutting my restrains but holding the knife to my neck. _

_"__Pick up the gun and shoot those people or you die." He whispers his voice, cold, hard and emotionless as if he were a robot._

_Slowly four people materialize before my eyes. The people I have to kill, their features appear in one swift movement. My eyes rake themselves upon these people, the only people I ever cared for._

_"__It is okay, Beatrice. I understand why you have to do it, sweetheart." I suck in a breath, my mother whom I love with all my heart, stands before me telling me to kill her._

_"__Go ahead, baby girl, I'll still love you. I'll always love you, baby girl." My father, the one who always had a hard time with emotions, told me he loved me._

_"__Mum? Dad? MUM!? DAD!? Please….. Please don't leave me. I need you… don't go. Please, please." I yell although they don't seemed fazed by my outburst. They stand there in all their glory. I whisper, "I love you."_

_"__Beatrice, your life is much more important than mine, I'll forever understand." My brother, the good kid, the one who has a life, the one who I love with all my heart even though he left me to die in a fail of a life. _

_"__Tris, do it. I don't belong on the earth, but you have an entire life waiting for you. Go get it." Al the person who betrayed me but who I never stopped caring for. Tears pour down my cheeks, these people would give their lives just so that I could be happy. These people have so much more to live for, so the answer becomes obvious._

_I pick up the gun of the table, the cold metal, powerful in my hands. It weighs more than I thought it would. I turn the barrel away from my loved ones and point it at the head of the person who caused my own misery. The person who brought this upon me, the person who's fault this all is._

_And shoot._

_The pain surrounds me, but I don't feel it. The only thing I feel is the emptiness that comes with the darkness that swallows me whole. I embrace the fact that I will die, that I'm dying. I let the darkness consume me, I let it be _me. _And the world falls away._

_But then it didn't. I suddenly, I become more aware that there are a pair of big, strong arms wrapped around my entire body. All I could see was the darkness, nothing. My eyes searched for something, anything that would give me a hint to what was going on._

Tris' eyes open, heavy and tired. She finds herself in a large room, on a sofa, covered in large arms. The person smelt of sweat, metal and something significantly male. Tears wheeled up in Tris' eyes. She missed her parents, the way her mother would sing to her or the way her father hugged her as if he could keep all her pieces together with one hug. Hell she even missed her brother, the way he was way to over protective of her.

Tears poured down her cheeks, she wrapped her arms around this man and sobbed. She cried because her parents were dead. She cried because her brother didn't care about her. She cried because she is an alcoholic, she cried because she'd never get away from Peter and his infinite insults. That's when it hit her, this man had saved her, and this man was Four.

"Four?" Said the smallest voice she had ever used. She was vulnerable, her voice quite. She had never heard this side of herself. She hated this side, she needed to be strong, she needed to fight and she did NOT need pity.

"Yes, Amanda?" She cringed, the fake name was like a slap to the face. She needed an excuse to prove that she was fine. He most likely expected to hear an explanation as to why Peter lashed out and she fought back.

"Don't you want to know why Peter lashed out at me?" He scrunched his eyebrows together, confused at her question, she found it quite adorable.

"Only if you want to but if you do start from the start, the very start." He surprised when he told her this. She had expected to have to tell him all the details in between her and Peter. She had a choice here but felt obliged to answer his one request. She took a deep breath and began, spilling herself for this man she didn't know.

"I was born December 11th 1993, I have an older brother named Caleb who is born on February 14th 1992. My parents were young when they has us, my mum was 18 and my dad was 19, so growing up it was hard and we never had much or got much, they were very much in to putting other people before themselves and taught us the same.

"My brother and I were as close as could be, in elementary school he was one of my only friends, I only had four. We hung out all through to middle school and then they slowly disappeared. Two of them were brother and sister moved away to Greece, the other one abounded me with my brother. It bothered me to no end, was he too good for me? But no, I later found out that he had been asked to attend a boarding school across the country, and he was just slowly letting me go." She took a deep breath. It was a harder story to tell than she thought it would have been. She wanted to tell him everything but couldn't bring up the courage to do as much. Why was it so hard for her to open herself up? She forced herself to continue. The words spilling like alcohol in a cup.

"High school was the years that changed me, I was smaller than most girls and shyer. I was called many things by boys and girls, hell the whole school population thought they were better than me. I didn't know anyone and no one made an effort to be my friend. In till half way through the year, a boy named Albert, although he preferred to be called Al, came to our school. He was sweet and we became friends easily because he was made fun of for his size. He stuck by my side talked me through the times I wanted to end my life, he was the only person outside my family that cared for me." She paused and choked on her words, this was the worst part. She refused to let him know it all, so she bit it all back.

"Senior year came around and Al became friends with the popular kids, heck he even got a girlfriend but left me to suffer on my own, that wa-was the first time I-I-I tried to commit suicide. It was the day before my birthday, that wasn't the worst part. My parents and I went shopping for my birthday, after I was cleared by the hospital as fit to leave. We went to a lot of places and they bought me a few things, nothing special. In till we got to a jewelry store, my parents bought me a locket, it is gorgeous." Should she tell him her parents were killed, shot down in front of her eighteen year old self? Should she tell him everything? No, no she couldn't. It was too dangerous for the both of them. She kept him from suffering from her fate.

"Anyways that was off topic, they died that day." She stifled a sob and continued. "I had been living on my own when I met Peter, he brought me in and cared for me but I don't want to bore you with the details." No matter how guilty she felt at this moment in time she needed him to be safe. She needed him alive, so he could care for her. She wanted him to care but couldn't push him in to a situation quite like that.

"So, he hasn't ever lashed out at you before?" Four asked, uncertain of himself. Of course he was uncertain. She never gave him anything that would give away the fact that she was anything other than a naïve girl that loved Peter.

"No, no he never has."

If he only knew.

**Hey guys,**

**sorry I didn't update yesterday, I had a bit of writers block so I didn't finish writing in till 12:30 and my parents turn the wifi of at 9 so yah.**

**Question of the day: How old are you?**

**Answer of the day: Try to guess ;)**


	10. Chapter 9

**Chapter 9**

**Four**

**This is my kingdom, come**

**This is my kingdom, come**

_I stand in a small shop, completely unaware of anything else but a girl and her family. So innocent, so caring. I wish I had a family like that. A father that was compassionate, one that in fact loved me, that would do anything for me. A mother that was there, that was alive but instead I go stuck with a sadistic bastard as a father, one who's cold careless and flat out evil. As for my mother, she wasn't ever really in my life. She was only ever a memory for all I have is a dead mother. _

_A cold hand shoves my to the back of the store, it burns as it makes contact with the open cuts and lashes on my scar infested back. At nineteen years of age, most people would have expected me to have moved out of my father's house, as fast as I could have. But instead decided to stay and wait for my YouTube video to go viral. _

_I walk to the back, head down, hood on or I'll get wiped tonight. It was the same routine every night, to the point I was used to the beating, sleeping, eating, beating, schooling and repeat routine thing. I wasn't okay with the fact that he could just do that to his own son. Why my father decided to take control over and steal from a jewelry store was lost to me, I know he held a gun in the waist band of his oversized sweatpants. I know he would use it, he will use it, why else would he have it?_

_I stare from the back of the store and watch the person I called my father steal. He takes the money, the most expensive pieces. I find myself watching the girl (from earlier)'s family as they try to call 911. I want to tell them to stop, tell them he's got a gun, loaded and ready to shoot. I feel tears come to my eyes as I watch, I should have warned them, and I should have told them not to do anything. My life means less than theirs, no one care's for me but them, they have a daughter, and they have a family. They shouldn't die._

BAM!

BAM!

BAM!

BAM!

BAM!

BAM!

_The figures drop to the ground and I have to cover my mouth to keep from crying out. I hear the distant sound of sirens in the background, good. Make my father pay for everything he's done, make him suffer, make him _cry. _He deserves it, he did just kill two innocent parents whom were just trying to do the right thing and set an example for their daughter. He deserves to rot in a prison cell, he deserves to be executed, punished for his sins. Let him drown in them, surround him and choke the guilt out of him. The son of a bitch should be put to shame for all his wrong doing. _

_I let reality hit me when I realize, I'm his son. He is my blood, he runs through my veins and he is me. There's an expression that I always found absurd: '_The apple doesn't fall far from the tree.' _But at this moment the expression strikes me right in the heart. I'm going to be just like him. I will be a monster, I am a monster. No, I can't think this way! Stop! You will not turn in to that monster, you will not be a monster, I tell myself but I know it's not the truth. I will be a sadistic monster, I am a sadistic monster._

_He is a part of me, I am a part of him. _

Four wakes up in a cold sweat, the memory of that day will forever haunt him. It rips his soul and stabs his heart. If he had just done _something_, that girl wouldn't have grown up parentless, they would have been at her wedding, her father would have walked her down the aisle to hand him of to her love. Her mother would have been there to help her pick out her dress, help her get ready for her wedding day, watched as she was handed off to the love of her life. But they would never get that because he hadn't said something that day. The guilt ripped him apart, it tore at his soul, scratched his heart. The feeling left him numb, felling less, as if he were on auto pilot.

Amanda had left last night, he had brought her to a small apartment building in the Bronx. She had waved him off and walked to a motorbike, driving off into the road. The wind had whipped her blond locks that stuck out of her, black and red swirled, helmet. She looked eternally beautiful. Her face permanently burnt in to his brain. She was mysterious, cautious, careful but at the same time reckless and empty, as if she was a robot. He could tell there was more to her than beauty, she had substance. She was-

"Four! Get your lazy ass out of bed. I need you to start on that song we talked about on Friday!" Four's manager, Jordan Prior, yelled at him.

Jordan was a tall woman, at five foot seven, but she wasn't a stick. She had muscle from years of competitive swimming, a butt and a bust, although she didn't stick it in your face. She had long dark blond and in the winter brown hair. She had strange eyes that were captivating, they were a dark grey then a light blue, then a celery green on the inside, full lips and glasses. She was the sister Four never had, she treated him like a brother. She knew his name but never used it because she respected his decision to keep it hidden away.

What would people think when they found out he had a murderer as a father? What would they _do _to him, to his career? Would they still listen to his songs, still watch his movies? Would his friends still like him? Would his fans still love him and respect him? He couldn't stop the questions, they surrounded him, making him so sick, he wanted to throw up but knew he couldn't fake it with Jordan.

"Urgh! Give me ten more minutes or even the rest of the day to sleep!" He countered but knew she would barge in here at any moment and go ballistic on his sorry ass. He groaned just thinking about it.

The door hit the wall with a bang and Jordan strode in smiling. She pulled open the curtains and turned to look at Four. He threw the covers over his head and groaned, this only made her smile bigger.

"Rise and shine, number boy. Today is your big day! We've got a break up song to write!" She said her voice high and cheery, way to cheery for eight o'clock in the morning. But then again, she was always cheery in the morning, in less it was the weekend then she was like the walking dead.

"You know, if I ever have a girl over and we had sex, it would be weird if you just came in here." He said, now sitting up a smirk on his face. She blushed and turned away, only making his smile bigger.

"Yah but you, mister are not known for hook-ups and are single as a Pringle." She said after regaining her composer and sass. She laughed t herself and left after telling him he had an hour to get ready before they headed out to the studio.

He sighed and shook his head. She was impossible, so he dragged himself out of the comfortable bed and in to the shower. The words came to him like the water that pour of his head.

"Easy come easy go, that's just how you live  
Oh, take, take, take it all but you never give  
Should've known you was trouble from the first kiss  
Had your eyes wide open, why were they open

Gave you all I had and you tossed it in the trash  
You tossed it in the trash, you did  
To give me all your love is all I ever asked  
'Cause

What you don't understand is  
I'd catch a grenade for ya  
Throw my hand on a blade for ya  
I'd jump in front of a train for ya  
You know I'd do anything for ya  
oh oh oh oh oh

I would go through all this pain  
Take a bullet straight right through my brain  
Yes, I would die for you, baby  
But you won't do the same

No, no, no, no

Black, black, black and blue, beat me 'til I'm numb  
Tell the devil I said, hey, when you get back to where you're from  
Mad woman, bad woman, that's just what you are, yeah  
You'll smile in my face then rip the brakes out my car

Gave you all I had and you tossed it in the trash  
You tossed it in the trash, yes, you did  
To give me all your love is all I ever asked  
'Cause

What you don't understand is  
I'd catch a grenade for ya  
Throw my hand on a blade for ya  
I'd jump in front of a train for ya  
You know I'd do anything for ya  
Oooh  
I would go through all this pain  
Take a bullet straight right through my brain  
Yes, I would die for ya, baby  
But you won't do the same

If my body was on fire  
Ooh, you'd watch me burn down in flames  
You said you loved me, you're a liar  
'Cause you never, ever, ever did, baby

But darling, I'd still catch a grenade for ya  
Throw my hand on a blade for ya  
I'd jump in front of a train for ya  
You know I'd do anything for ya

I would go through all this pain  
Take a bullet straight right through my brain  
Yes, I would die for you, baby  
But you won't do the same

No, you won't do the same  
You wouldn't do the same  
Ooh, you never do the same  
No, no, no, no"

It was just what he needed.

**Hey Guys,**

**so yet again, wifi got the best of me so this is your update, early in the morning (for me)**

**btw that song is about robin, Four's ex.**

**Just so that you know I am 13 years old. **

**Question of the day: What's your name?**

**Answer of the day: I used my name in the story, but it's broken in between two people (first is one persons fist name, last is another persons last name.) good luck hunting ;)**

**~J**

**P.S. that's a hint **


	11. Chapter 10

**Chapter 10**

**Tris**

**Throw 'em back till I lose count,**

**I'm gona swing from the Chandelier,**

Tris walked up the stairs to the overly large mansion and sighed. She wondered what consequences waited for her when she knocked. What would he do to her? Would he even be back or would he still be out? Would he be expecting her completely surprised to see her back? Tris knocked, loudly, slouched her bony shoulders and bowed her head. She was waiting for a scolding or a beating, it was what he would do right?

The door swung, open and their stood a flustered Lauren. Why would she have opened the door? Tris doesn't even pause to talk to Lauren, she pushes past her and makes her way into the house, searching for any sing of Peter. Tris dropped the bag she had brought with her from her old apartment on the floor and ran down the hall. She needed to apologize for running away, she needed to tell him that he needed to let her go. If he truly loved her, he would let her go. Let her be free, be wild. Tris could only hope that he would love again, maybe find someone else, someone who needed a little bit of grounding, less of an airy feel to their life.

Lauren called her name but she didn't listen, Tris had an idea on were Peter might be. It might have been that that would have been the place that she would have gone to, if it had been her. She followed her gut as it lead her to the backyard. She ran out the doors, not bothering to close them or even have changed out of the clothes she found at her old apartment. She slowed her pace when she saw him.

Peter was perched on one of the branches of the willow tree, directly in front of her eyes. She smiled, not out of love or desperation for him but rather because for once, in the time she had been with him, he was peaceful, almost at ease. His eyes closed, head back against the rough surface of the tree, itself. He looked handsome, his features calm and softer than the intenseness of them that he usually wears. She wished she could freeze the moment, make him always like this. Maybe she should just tell him that he would have an easier time with the ladies if he was always like this.

Tris didn't want to call out his name for she feared it would take his peacefulness and replace it with the Peter she has come to know. She sighed and bowed her head when a hand found its way on to her shoulder. Tris almost jumped and screamed but kept herself composed, for Peter's sake.

"He always does this," Lauren began to say and Tris nodded but didn't turn around. She was truly captivated by the Peter in front of her eyes. "It's his routine for when he's hurting." Tris nodded again. She had cause him pain, heartbreak but he didn't come for her. "He wasn't always like this, you know. He had been compassionate, loving, caring, nice, brave and wild. He met a girl, she was perfect to him. He loved her with all his heart, some would say he just cared too much. He let her in, told her everything wrong with him. He told her he was abused by his mother when he was younger, his dad was never in his life. He thought she cared about him, so he told her he loved her and she just screamed and ran away. Saying one thing over and over again, I'm sorry. She had cheated on him with his best friend. He was never the same again, he became a sadistic bastard that never cares about anything." Lauren sighed.

"But you, you changed him. He started to care again, he went out after only staying inside for a year. He might not admit it but I'm his only friend. And trust me he still has pieces of the man he used to be." Tris turns to look at her. The girl who was wasting her life to ensure, this man who she had once called a monster, found someone he loved. Till this man was happy again. Tris hated herself, she had judged this man based on what she had experienced with him, not how he really was. He was just as damaged as she was. She mentally hit herself, it was one of the traits her parents had told her was much needed in life. How could she have forgotten that?

"I'll be right back." She told Lauren. She dashed inside, Tris couldn't do this, and she couldn't make the best thing that had happened to this man, just disintegrate. She couldn't stand there and tell him what she wished to say, she couldn't watch as she ripped the only thing sustaining him, away from him.

Tris managed to find herself in the master of the room where she now slept. She remembered the good days. The happy smiles, the obnoxious laughs. Tris smiled, herself, those were the best days of her life but the good memories started to fade. They way her parents had held her at her grade school graduation. The way they cared for her and her brother. The way they were so selfless. The way they took advantage of the smallest moments, living them to the fullest. They began to fade, disintegrating at the edges. Tris clutched and grabbed for anything but her hands came back empty. She lost the color of her mother's hair, the shine in her father's eye, the way her brother laughed at some stupid joke and her happy smile. Her memories filled by the bad days. She wanted her family back, more than anything she could ever wish for. She would wish on every star in the night sky, if that would have helped her.

When her parents had first died she had expected her mother to be at home cooking and humming a tune. Her father to have come home, just in time for diner, and ask her about the wonderful day she would've had. Just like any other family but the house was empty, like the growing hole in her shattered heart. She had dreamt of what her life would have been like. Had she not dragged them into the jewelry store, had she not have been stubborn and refused to go anywhere in till they had at least looked at the store. She had dreamt of a life she would never have.

Instead she sat at on the floor of the master bedroom of a mansion she had been kidnaped and placed in. She was an alcoholic with no job, no education, no friends, no life. She was shattered, her pieces fell against the cold hardwood floor, heavy from the burdens she carried. Would anyone ever want to pick up all the pieces for they would cut their skin, pierce the smooth surface? She was vagabond, she pretended to not feel alone in a world surrounded by strangers. She didn't cry, not because she didn't want to, she didn't cry because she couldn't. She was numb, all over. Feeling-less and empty.

She was on auto-pilot, like someone had switched the ON button, in her head down, to OFF. She had no control over her movements, her thoughts, her words, all of them were no longer hers. They came from the part of her that just wanted to survive. Her once bright and full of life eyes, now looked dull and lifeless. She pushed people away, instead of pulling them in and getting to know them. Tris operated from a place of fear. The fear of losing someone close to her; Thanatophobia or Thantophobia.

A feeling arose in her chest, she wanted the fear to go away. She wanted the numbness to go away. She wanted the darkness to leave her, forever, blankend soul. She wanted to be the girl she had once been, the one who got to know everyone and only saw the good in everyone but then again. If she became that girl, she would be naïve, and fall the same way she already had. She was an outlaw, a cast away, someone no one wanted, no one needed. She wasn't needed, she was more worthless than a leaf, and she was a rose, beautifully dangerous. She had been up and down, she had been on the lowest of lows. Her feet were stuck in place, not moving. Her story was sadder than the saddest movie, her life more vicious than any war.

If she had been able to live the life she wanted. Tris would have been moving, thriving, running. Her problems would have been so small. She wouldn't need to pretend to not feel alone. She would have been surrounded by friends, living crazy stupid lives, like any other twenty-year old young adults. She would go to parties, not purely to get drunk for free. She would have been a fire so bright that at some point it would need to seize. She would have died at a young age because everything living, thriving has to fade at some point right?

**Hey guys,**

**so just to clear so things up, Jordan is related to Tris but we'll learn more about that later.**

**my name is Jordan McKay, hehe**

**encase you don't know what vagabond is look it up 'cause I cant remember.**

**vagabond is also a song and im obsessed with it, don't judge me**

**~J**


	12. Chapter 11

**Chapter 11**

**Four**

**So they dug your grave and the masquerade,**

**will come crawling out at the mess you've made,**

"So Four, is there another girl you might be interested in?" Jordan asks him as they wait for the coffee they ordered from Starbucks. He had spent most of the morning in the studio and explaining to Jordan the reasons why Robin and he had broken up.

He paused on the question, did he have an interest for a woman other than Robin? Was Robin still clouding his thoughts? He pondered on these question and found his answer. He did indeed have someone else in his mind, and it defiantly wasn't Robin. He had a certain, blue eyed blondie in mind. Her face burnt in his brain, her voice stuck on repeat and her name Amanda.

"There is a girl. Oh my God! Almighty Four has a wittle, ity bity, cwrush, awe!" Jordan cooed, dancing like she had been told, they had found her twin brother and younger sister. You see, they were only her half siblings, with the same dad as her but she had been dyeing to meet them, her mother Tori, had never introduced them. She grew up only wondering what they could be like.

"So what? I like a girl I'll never get, anyways." He sighed remembering Peter's harsh voice. The word fiancé was a curse to him, it was no longer a word that struck him as happy.

"What?! Why?" Jordan exclaimed, stunned. Four could get any girl he wanted, yes that he could, and everyone except the one he wanted.

"Because she's engaged to some else!" Four turned and face Jordan, he hadn't meant to yell at her. He never knew that this girl would have him in a hole so deep, he couldn't see the sun. "Sorry, I didn't mean to yell at you, Jordan. It's just, I don't want to be a home wrecker and I hardly know anything about her. All I know is that her fiancé is an ass hole." He mumbled the last part.

"I met her and her fiancé at Uriah's party on Saturday, I ran in to him and he got all pissed off. Whilst she tried to calm her down, he snapped at her and I could tell he was holding her too tightly. We kept talking and he got mad, told me not to tell him how to run his life and she mentioned something about starving her, yada yada yada. He got pissed I thought he would punch me but he punched her. It was a full out brawl."

"You need to stop talking to me about your man problems, I simply don't see the reason why she would stay. If her fiancé is an asshole, why stay when she could most likely find something way better, like you. Anyways, there's something seriously wrong with the story you told me." He nodded in agreed with Jordan, there was something wrong with the way things had played out that night.

"I know, trust me, I know." Was all he said as an answer because he did know the confusion she was in, he had thought about it over and over again too. What was even weirder was guilty look Amanda had expressed when he had asked her about herself. Peter had cared for her? She loved Peter? The way Amanda has looked at him, didn't tell him she loved him but rather felt sorry for him. And it had confused him, why would she stay with him if she only felt sorry?

Jordan and Four split ways later that afternoon and he headed over to Zeke's house. It was a cozy home, a two apartment and 3 bath place. It had been renovated, upgraded and completely modernized, it was quite gorgeous.

He walked up the stairs to the porch were Zeke and Shauna stood, holding each other close. Faintly he hear a whimper and it made him rush up the stairs. What was going on? The stepped on a creaky floor board and the couple turned. Shauna's eyes were red with tears, her cheeks black from mascara. Zeke's shirt was wet from what Four could only guess was Shauna's tears. What _was _going on?

Zeke shook his head as if to tell him, _later. _He took Shauna in to the house and set her down on the black sofa, gave her a book of tissues and told Four to come help him with making some tea. They walked in to the modern kitchen and Zeke turned to him. He looked older than he was, his eyes heavy and had bags under them.

"What's going on man?" Four asked, he hadn't seen Zeke under this much stress. What the hell?

"Lynn and two other people were a horrific motorcycle crash. Lynn and some other girl named Beatrice were seriously injured but the third person, who was in a car got off with minimal injuries." Zeke looked away, he was hiding something.

"Zeke, what are you hiding from me." Four's voice was warning, and wary. What would he be hiding from him?

"The third person, suffered broken ribs, a fractured leg and arm and a punchered lung. Her name was Jordan, Jordan Prior." Zeke sighed, no longer scared of what Four would do to him but rather what he would do to get to the hospital. Four turned to run out the door but Zeke grabbed his arm. "Just don't do anything stupid please." Zeke's eyes begged him, he didn't want to have to worry about another person he knows getting hurt.

Four practically ran out of the house, he had to see Jordan, he couldn't lose a sister. He rushed in to the car and drove just drove. He didn't think about the consequences or the sped in which he was driving at, he just drove, his thought surrounded by Jordan. She was family to him, his only family he had left. Who would be there to wake him up during the week at 8:00 a.m.? Who would be there for him other than his friends, who were all too busy worrying about their boy/girlfriends to even notice he was having a hard time himself.

"How may I help you, sir?" The receptionist asked, whilst looking at the computer screen in front of her eyes.

"I'm looking for a Prior." His voice waivered, Jordan was his closets friend she was family.

"Okay, how do you spell that?" She asked, and continued typing something in to the computer.

"P-R-I-O-R, can you hurry up I'm her brother and need to see her." He was impatient with this person, she wouldn't stop typing.

"I'm assuming you are here to see both of them so… they are in room number 121. Just down the hall to the right." She smiled and moved on to the next person. Both of them? Why would there be two Priors? He shook his head, dashed down the hall and turned right. There sat room number 121, who would be in there with Jordan?

He braced himself for the worst and opened the door.

Jordan lied on the bed to the left, tubes stuck out of her everywhere.

On the right bed lied…..

Amanda?

**Hey Guys,**

**So this was kinda short but whatever**

**Four and Jordan will not be in a relationships,YAY**

**Tris feels sympathy for Peter because she still see that there is potential for him**** to a nice guy, so yah don't judge me **

**knida cliffy right?**

**not really...**

**Thanks for the reviews guys!**

**anyhow,**

**~J**


	13. Chapter 12

**Chapter 12**

**Tris**

**I'm the one for a good time call**

**Phone's blowing up, they're ringing my door bell,**

"Tris… Tris. Tris! TRIS!" Peter yelled, he was excited to have her back. It wasn't that hard to make as much out from the way he yelled her name. In the mists of everything Tris stopped and nearly forgot she had told him her name. Tris look round the room, franticly, trying to find something to be used as a weapon, she needed to protect herself. _Peter is dangerous, Peter is dangerous, Peter is dangerous… Peter is danger… but he isn't. _Tris told herself he was a danger to her but the more she actually told herself that, the less she believed it.

Peter hadn't hunted her down when she left, he had given her everything she could ever need. The truth was he had only ever been nice to her, with the exception of the fight that passed two days ago, and how did she repay him? By telling herself he was a danger to herself and _anyone_ close to her. What was wrong with her, how could she just forget about her parents morals? How _could _she? Tears wheeled up in Tris' eyes, she had forgotten the one thing her parents had always asked of her, expected her to do. She had forgot to treat everyone like royalty, with respect, love and open arms. It never mattered how the people her parents had met acted towards them, it only mattered that they were, in fact, only human.

A knock sounded from the door, across the entire room. Her eyes darted to the door, he was back. One question, was all she needed to ask him, one fucking question. The question burned in her brain, made her pull at her own skin, made her worried. Would he let her? What would he do? How would he react? She closed her eyes willing herself to find the strength.

"Come in." She forced herself to stand up and watched as the door swung open. There he was, standing right in front of her, although it was a room's length in between the two, and all his glory. He smiled at the sight of her and she looked away, nervously.

"You came back?" It was a question, not a relief. His eyes shone, like the grass after a raining day.

"Why me?" The question, the one she had spent most of the last few day pondering on. "Why would you take me out of all the girls in the world? I'm not anything special, I'm just a broken, misguided loser how you happened to see at a bar. Why the interest?" she looked away, it was too hard to look at him, to see the heartbreak as it crossed his face.

"Why you?" He echoed, "Where do I start?" He laughed, a brisk and bitter laugh. "I was in the shop the day your parents died. I watched as you dropped to your knees, terrified that they wouldn't make it. I felt so horrible, horrible because of what I didn't do, for you. It haunted my memories, dreams and soul.

"So about one month ago, I looked you up. I expected you would have been thriving, pacing the bars and expectation of the world, only to find you were failing, barely alive. I followed you around, one day, you looked empty, two skinny, depressed. A scowl permanently marked on your beautiful face. I figured that I should do something for you. So I brought you here, thinking it would be the good thing to do, I have everything you would ever need. So why wouldn't you want to stay. When you rebelled against me I freaked, I fought with you, because I thought it would be good for you." He laughed another bitter laugh. "Look where that got us." He finished with a scoff.

He did this all for her, so she would no longer have to struggle. He did this for her, and it was sweet, in some weird twisted way.

"Peter," She began, her voice soft and soothing. "I understand that you did what you thought was best for me but I can't live this way. I can't burden you with my pathetic life and fucking problems." She looked him in the eye. "I'm so sorry." Her eyes watered and she ran, she ran all the way out of the house, stopping only to grab her bag.

* * *

Have you ever lost a family member? Someone close to you, perhaps? Tris has. She's felt the hearts wrenching pains, the soul ripping lose, the skull breaking memories, she's been through that. There are three way of handling it;

1- The good way, the people who act as if nothing happened, who accept the 'sorrys' and the pity but you never really tell what they feel.

2- The bad way, the people who spend most of their time holed up or talking to you about it, of course it gets annoying and those people are most likely to lose most of their friends.

3- Tris' way, it's for the people who happen to be shadows, the ones who never really stood out, the ones that no one cares for. Their grades get higher or lower, they stop talking or find some vicious circle that will kill them eventually.

That was what was going through Tris' head as she drove down the sun lit road. Her eyes blurred by tears. Why did all the bad things have to happen to her, all the good things happen to those who were assholes? She was selfish, she was a coward, she was dishonest, she was mean, she was stupid and she would always be that way.

Something caught Tris' eye, it flew high in the sky, free. A raven, free to do anything, be anything. She wished she could be a bird, fly away in to the sky, beautifully free. She loved the way the wind caressed the wings of the bird, the way it flew against it, almost rebelliously. She loved the way-

She heard it before she saw it, the honk, the car, and the motor bike. The lights so bright as if heaven was calling her. She felt the pain, she felt it but was numb. Everything moved in slow motion, her helmet detached itself from her head as she hit the ground.

It hurt, oh how it hurt. Her head pounded, she could no longer feel her left leg, and she couldn't breathe. But she didn't panic because for the first time, it reminded her she was human. It reminded her she could feel. After all those nights were she had only felt the numbness that came after the sorrow, she had once felt, it was almost nice to know she could in fact feel, anything at all.

The sound of the ambulance felt like it was in a completely different world. Her vision blurred, she could distantly her voices, the call of orders as they pulled her out. She could hear the distant voices telling her to stay awake but the pull of the darkness was as if someone had tied a leash to her neck and was dragging her in its unknown.

For a few minutes she let it drag her away from the pathetic thing she called a life. It would be easier if she did die. She closed her eyes and embraced the darkness.

"Beatrice, sweetheart wake up." Her mother called to her and set a hand on her head. Her eyes sprung open, almost as if her to wake up was a command. Her mother sat in front of her, beautiful and ageless. It was like staring at an angel.

"Mom…" she whispered because it was all she could do.

"Dear, you need to wake up, go back to the world where you live. I know it has been hard for you to live without us but you need to live. I've seen your future and I need you to live." Her mother's voice was soft but forceful at the same time. What was waiting for her?

"What happens in my future?" Tris couldn't help it, she just had to know.

"Something you've always dreamed of." She said, glancing at the white behind her. "You have to choose now, I don't have much time left."

She wished she could stay with her mother forever but knew it was better that she went back, that she woke up and fought for her life. That she stayed and found out what would happen with her, with her life.

She closed her eyes, yet again but this time instead of keeping them closed she willed them open. The weight of death was laid out on her eye lids, heavy like a rusty metal door that refused to open. She pushed and pushed, the weight slowly bringing her back to the world she hated so dearly. She fought death with every attempt to open her eyes to the real world.

The lights shone so bright, she blinked a few times before being able to see. The room was white, so white. Reluctantly she lifted her heavy head and looked beside her. A girl sat lied on the bed beside her, strange…

She heard feet coming from outside the room. A man brought himself into the door way. His dark brown hair tasselled and messy, his deep blue eyes wild with worry.

Four?

Her heart rate picked up and her breathing shallowed. What was he doing here?

"Amanda!" Was the last thing she heard before tumbling back in to the darkness.

**Hey guys,**

**Kinda cliffy dontcha think?**

**or not.**

**maybe?**

**probably not.**

**anywho, this was a much needed update so yay!**

**i'm going to tell you my schedule so you understand if I don't update**

**Monday: swim team and sincro from 11:00-2:30 water polo 6:30-9:00**

**Tuesday: water polo practice 8:00-9:oo team 11:00- 12:00, bronze medallion 6:00-8:00 p.m**

**Wednesday: swim team and sincro 12:00-2:30 swim meat 6:15-9:30**

**Thursday: water polo game 6:30-9:00**

**Friday: swim team 12:00- 12:45**

**and nothing on the weekend. :). so as you can, I happen to be quite busy and then all the things I do that aren't planed, so yah. that's ^ my life over the summer ;)**

**Question of the day: are you this busy?**

**Answer of the day: nooooooooooooooooooooooooo *Sarcasm* **


	14. Chapter 13

**Chapter 13**

**Four**

**When the days are cold and the cards all fold,**

**When the saints we see are all gold,**

"Amanda!" Four yelled as her delicate eyes snapped open. An irritating beeping noise sounded from the heart monitor attached to her. He quickly glanced at it to see her heart was beating faintly but stopped completely.

"Shit!" Four swore, his eyes wide and paranoid for the small woman that laid, slowly dying, in front of his own eyes. He was frozen for a second, what if she didn't make it? He would never learn the truth behind those eyes, hell he would never even she them open again.

He ran out the door, in to the bustling hospital hallway, yelling for help. He was a mess for some reason, he could not explain. He felt nauseous, as if he was going to faint. Doctors, nurses rushed to help, pushing Four out of the way. Through the window on the door he could see them giving her CPR, praying to have her heart start again. They detached the bed and ran down the hall leaving him there, a mess.

He hadn't even come for Amanda, he had come to see Jordan but now he wasn't sure he could even leave his place against the wall without passing out. What the hell was wrong with him?

He needed something to get his mind off all of what had just happened. He reached in to his pocket and pulled out his phone. Maybe if he read the news on him, he would calm down about the whole ordeal.

_"__A passed out mystery girl in the arms of our newly single Four."_ He scoffed and read the next article, appalled that they thought of him as a man that moves on to a woman while she was venerable.

_"__Four's manager, Jordan Prior and good friend, Lynn Dahnem get in to a freak accident with our one and only mystery girl._

_On July 18, 2014; Jordan Prior, Lynn Dahnem and, as a source tells us, Beatrice Prior, all happened to be driving down or into Fulton Street when the accident occurred._

_According to a passerby Beatrice and Jordan had both been distracted and drove through a red light to only collide with Lynn, who had the green light. Jordan swivelled to avoid making contact a hit her car in to a street light, while Lynn and Beatrice didn't have enough time to move out of the way and collided in to each other and the front of Jordan's car. _

_As a source tells us Jordan Prior is alright and now just recovering but both Lynn and Beatrice are both in critical condition…"_

He threw his phone against the wall in front of his tired eyes. Four couldn't stand it, the way they talked about everything as if the 'source', they received information from, knew everything in the world. Didn't these people have lives to live rather than, pick fun at celebs when something happens to them?

Reluctantly he pulled his tired body off the floor and marched in to the room, where Jordan was wide awake. Her eyes were wide and worried.

Did she know she had been in the same hospital room as her sister, her real sister?

"What the hell just happened?" Jordan asked, glancing back to where Amanda- no Beatrice had been lying down and peacefully sleeping.

"I don't even…" He paused, Trying to find the right words to say to her, "I just… I know that girl, she's the girl I told you about, I swear, but they told me her name was Beatrice not Amanda, which is the name Peter, her fiancé used and I was just reading the news on me. They think that mystery girl a.k.a Beatrice is my victim 'cause they saw me carrying her away from Uriah's party and now you, Lynn and this Beatrice character all managed to get in to a car crash. I'm just so absolutely and utterly confused!" He threw his hands up in defeated and exhausted.

Jordan didn't talk, she didn't say anything or do anything, really. Just sat there and waited for him to calm down. As if he would blow up in her face but he wouldn't, she didn't know that though. He was surprised she never asked him about his passed or why he was such a bastard. Why he never really let anybody in? Only he knew the answer.

And he wasn't proud of it.

He kept everybody at an arm's length. But why would he ever do that, when everyone around him, let him in with open arms? Because he was ashamed of himself. Around people he was a confident jackass that could do what he want and get away with it. He was that asshole trying to steal your girl, he was the guy that tricked you into thinking all he wanted was sex, fame and money. When he was alone, he hated himself and that just proved how his father was right about him. He was an unaccomplished fucking loser, just like his father. He was just like his fucking father.

"Four?" Jordan asked, her voice bored and unamused. He looked over at her, she wanted to say something, obviously but was waiting in till he calmed down.

"Yah, J?" He answered, his voices smooth against as it bounced off the white walls of the hospital room.

"That girls name is Beatrice _Prior_, she's my half-sister. She's my fucking half-sister and now she's going to die because I wasn't paying attention to the road. What the fuck is my problem, for the first time in 22 years, I can finally tell my mum I've met my half-sister, only to watch her die because I wasn't paying attention. And I have to listen to you freak out because that girl might die. Have you even taken the time to think that if either of those girls die it's going to be _my_ fault, their blood will be on my hands?

"I'm sorry, I'm fucking so sorry!" she finished her eyes filled with tears. She thought it was her fault, when it was her fault as much as the next girl. Four was certain no one would end up pressing charges.

He walked to her bed side and held her. He didn't say anything because he had no idea what to say, for Four had never been good at anything remotely human or emotional. He stood there awkward and soaked in tears but he couldn't help but think that if he hadn't let Amanda or Beatrice go back to her fiancé or let Jordan go home early, would they have been in the same predicament? Was it secretly his fault? Was the blood on his hands if one of the girls died?

Every now and then Four would wonder what his life would have been like if he had gone to college and university like most of the world did. Would he still have the same friends, would he have met Jordan or Beatrice? Would he even be living in the same place he did now? Would he go and visit his father in prison where he lived out a lifelong sentence for 1st and 2nd degree murder, theft, possession of a stole weapon and a lot of other charges. Would he wear the name Eaton and thrive to make it a better name, restore the honor his father took from it? Would he be a man of honor and selflessness or the same man he was today.

And after a while, he realised, there was no point in even thinking about it that way because he would never be normal. He would always be known as Four the stone faced bastard and the sooner he learn to accept that the sooner he would stop thinking like this.

His life was a lie, placed upon many other lies. Lies that he himself didn't even know the truth to.

**Hey guys,**

**soooo, how yah liken it?**

**I feel evil, am I evil.**

**just so that you know, Jordan is related to Tris and Caleb but older than both of them. yay!**

**Fourtris will make it's way out in to my story but I want to have something big happen before so just wait! *laughs evilly***

**Question of the day: What time is it were you are?**

**Answer of the day: 11:40 a.m.**

**~J**


	15. Chapter 14

**Chapter 14**

**Tris **

**I feel the love,**

**I feel the lo-o-ove,**

_I stand in a field, no actually, it's a meadow. The flowers surround me and fill every space for as far as I can see, it's quite gorgeous. The sky, a strange deep blue as if it were the ocean, is cloudless. The sun beats down on my skin but I shiver, anyways feeling strangely cold. I grab at anything that could make me warmer but come back empty handed and wearing only white shorts and a white tank top. I can tell it's hot outside but I can't feel anything, a numbness and cold have settled on my pale skin. As if I were in a bubble, removed from life but somehow still there._

_I hear the distant sound of squawking in the distant as the sky fills itself with a black cloud. What the hell? I go to run but find that my feet are planted and not moving. What the-_

_The cloud swooped towards me and my body refused move, more like resisted to budge. The cloud got closer and closer, covering the strangely beautiful sky. It separated reveling millions of birds. No not birds crows, their feather dark, beaks pointed and sharp. I want to scream but nothing would come out of my mouth, the only thing I could manage was throwing my arms up as a shield for my face._

_The pain of the constant pecking against my skin was excruciating. Their beaks picked and grabbed at anything they could get in their beaks. Their claws clawed at my skin, my clothes, grabbing at my ear lobes. _

_This can't be real, this is just a nightmare, it can't be real. I told myself over and over again like a religious prayer. Maybe it was a prayer or a plea for the pain to end._

_I feel my body drop to the ground underneath me with a THUD! My face pressed next to a puddle as something overcame me._

_I plunged myself in to the water, swimming to the surface, that wasn't there. I swam and swam the dark blue waves only pushing me farther down. I gain two feet, lost four. It was impossible, why was it so hard to get to the surface?_

_I was completely out of control. There was nothing I could grab to pull myself out of the deep blue depth. No rocks, no beaches, nothing other than the ocean that I drowned in. My lungs burnt, my head was fogged, my heart beat at an unnaturally fast pace._

_I pushed all the air from my lungs, and tried to forget I was about to die. _

Tris woke up in a room, to be exact an awfully white room. So much so it stung her heavy eyes. She pushed her body up, only to fall back down weak and sore. She remembered the crash, the other room, her mother and those nightmares.

She let out a frustrated groan when she tried to sit up again. Frustration gripped at her and she huffed as she fell back down. Her head pounded, like it was being smashed repeatedly by a hammer. Her ribs throbbed with every breath she took, her leg was numb but she could feel herself wiggle her toes. She couldn't move her foot, though. Tris ripped the covers off her body and gasped.

Both of her legs were in a cast, the right one only went up to her knee but the left one went all the way you to her hip. She lifted her gown to find her stomach, once a pale skin, covered in the black, blue, green and the purple of new bruising. A scar ran along the side of her body, marking were they had made their incision. Tris threw her head back against the pillow on to groan again as her head pounded harder.

"Good to see you awake, Beatrice." A doctor materialized at the slim door of her hospital room. He wore a pair of blue glasses on his face, his brown hair messy but tamed at the same time. He looked up, not really paying attention and she choked.

"Caleb?" She managed to spit out. Great, just great, out of all the doctors in this hospital she managed to fall under the care of her traitor of a brother. _Well fuck,_ she thought to herself silently.

"Its doctor Prior, thank you-" He started to say but she cut him off.

"Yeah, whatever you say Caleb, but don't worry I'm not surprised you don't remember me because see how I've grown Caleb. I did great after their death, you know. I became an alcoholic, I'm anorexic, I probably have severe anxiety and depression but, yah know, I'm doing great." She laughed bitterly which made her wince, in pain. He looked up and shook his head.

"Beatrice, I have other patients to tend to, I don't have time for you and your accusation." He paused and looked down at the clipboard in his slim hands. "You have a fractured ankle on your right leg and on your left you fractured you shin in two places. You went in to surgery to fix a bleed in one of your major organs, you have broken ribs, three on the left side and two on the right side. Lastly you suffered a severe concussion." He sighed and looked in her eyes. "You'll have to stay in the hospital for three days so we can monitor your heart and blood pressure."

"Why?" she asked, not really in to the whole staying in the hospital.

"Because, Beatrice, you died for 20 minutes." He sad looking at her exasperated.

Her world spun, she had died for 20 minutes, a whole 20 fucking minutes!

What if she hadn't made it back?

Would she have even seen her brother, who after all that he did, she still loved?

Would she have ever seen number boy again? Or his dazzling eyes? Would she ever be able to tell him the truth?

Would she be with her parents, right now, if she had died? Or would she be down below because heaven knows she belongs way down below.

"I can't walk, Caleb so how do you assume I'll make it home?" she asked, uncertain of the answer he would give her.

"Call one of your friends or something, I guess." He said looking back down at the clip board then pulling out a tablet.

"I don't have _any_ friends, Caleb. I have no one I don't even know anybody but you." She growled at him, she couldn't even understand how he could be a doctor yet manage to be so dense.

"You know most older brothers at least pretend to care about their younger siblings. Like checking on how they were doing after their parents die, make sure they get the help they need. But you began to ignore me even before that. Remember grade eight, it's like I didn't exist to you, or your nerdy friends. Maybe you shouldn't have gone away, maybe if you had stayed, I would have never been depressed, anxious and anorexic, an alcoholic or someone who is worthless.

"But you did leave and I resent you for that. I want you to feel all the pain that I felt, that I will feel because I hate you. I want you to wake up one morning and realize the reason why I'm so fucked up is because you could have cared less about my wellbeing over your own life but I could have understood that. What I resent you for is because you didn't check if I was okay, if I needed someone to be there for me.

"But I love you. I love you because you are my brother, because you went after your dreams. So no matter what you do you will always make your way to my heart because I love you, Caleb. For who you are and who you will be. I know I might not make it to your wedding, your first kids birth, any of their birthdays but I want you to know that I love you to death. We don't have to be a family, you don't have to pretend you love me but I want you to know, all of what I just said was true." She finished and looked into her brothers green eye, they held stories he would never get to tell her and tears. Tears because she had just pored her soul to him, the way she felt about him after years of keeping it in.

"Beatrice," He began as tears found their way on to his cheeks. "I never meant for this to happen to you, if I had known you were drowning. I would have been there for you, in the blink of an eye. I would have protected you from the cruel world, we live in. I was just so wrapped up in my studies and my own personal success, I didn't care enough to call. Or tell you anything. So I do understand why you are in the position that you are, it's because I was too selfish to take another look, when you didn't cry at the funeral, or how no one was there for you. And trust me I hate myself for that to.

"But I love you too and I will always love you because of who you are destined to be. Don't worry, I'll insure that you make it, so that you get married, have kids, grow old with someone that both loves you and that you love. I would give everything away to make you happy again. All because I love you, forever and always." Tris smiled, as she feel in to a dreamless sleep.

The last thought that went through her head was that he loved her.

**Hey Guys,**

**wasn't that just lovely 3**

**thought you guys deserved some nice stuff,**

**but it won't be like this for long *laughs evilly***

**any how, I think this is my longest chapter, yay**

**that's what happens when I'm deprived of wifi for a day :'(**

**Question of the day: I don't know what to ask you.**

**Answer of the day: Whoops...**


	16. Chapter 15

**Chapter 15**

**Four**

**When your dreams all fail**

**And the ones we hail**

***The next day***

Four hated almost all the people he met. They ask for your secrets, only to spill them and watch you go down with the ship that is you humiliation or heartbreak. The way they lie with a smile on little deceiving little faces. He knew better than to trust everyone or anyone he met. From years of keeping secrets from his friends and acquaintances in show business it happened to mold you that way.

But he had done it anyways.

He trusted, the girl with the striking eyes, blond hair and skinny frame. For an unknown reason he felt as though she was trust worthy, even though she had lied right to his face. Telling him she was someone she would never be, hiding a rough past behind a fake name.

Well, what a hypocrite he was.

He too hid behind a fake name, keeping a past, a family and a life a secret. From his friends, from everyone he met, waiting for the day they finally exposed his lies. Exposed his hateful past, horrid family and a life he wished to forget. Exposing old wounds to the air, once again, bringing painfully memories and realization of what he could have done to save himself.

He was a coward.

It's what his father had told him every day for years, upon years. No matter how hard he tried, no matter how many times he told himself, his father's words would always have been true. From the times he would cry when he was alone to the times his anger and a punching bag was all he could see to the times he was happy it would creep back up on him, whispering and haunting him.

Four walked to her room, agitated and frustrated. He went over in his head exactly what he would say to her, when he would walk out and everything. He would ask her exactly why she had lied, what her real name was, were was Peter or why had he done it.

He was ready…

Or not.

The girl he wished he could talk with was lying down, her blond hair scattered around her slightly skinny face. She looked healthier, weight wise, otherwise she was a mess but definitely a hot one.

Her face was covered in cuts, the largest one resting itself in her eyebrow and going out to right before her temple. A large bruise found itself on her left cheek, he could see the bruises were also on her neck and chest.

Four felt an ache rise in his chest and spread itself throughout his entire body to the point he had to sit down because his knees felt as though they would give in at any time. He wondered how bad her injuries were, maybe that's what he should ask her first. Yah, he'll do that then grill her.

Her eyelids fluttered after Four heaved a sigh.

"Hi," was all he could manage to get out of him. He fiddled with the watch on his right wrist and gave her a small smile which she returned, happily.

"Hi," She said back, uncertain to where this conversation was going.

"So you're the famous Beatrice Prior, right?" He asked, his face blank and emotionless.

"Yeah, I guess I am." She said looking away in embarrassment, a small little blush appeared upon to her pale cheeks.

"So are you ready to tell me the truth?" He questioned her feeling the need to get out of the, suddenly, stuffy room. He coughed and she looked up at the white ceiling, clearly analyzing the situation.

"No, not really," She sighed in frustration. "I mean, I'm just not ready to tell you yet, maybe I'll tell you when I'm ready." She gave him a small smile that held a promise, the promise of truth.

Four found himself at the door of the room where Shauna found herself most days and nights. Lynn's hospital room. The room where Shauna wept and Zeke comforted her.

And all though he hated to say it, was the room he resented visiting the most.

Where Lynn, who had once been a fun, sarcastic and a bit (a lot) of a bitch, lied in the horribly white room on life support. With no brain activity in two days, Four had no idea what to expect. She could wake up or have brain activity at a moment's notice, hell she could even have a sudden organ failure and no one would have expected it.

Four and Lynn had never really been the best of friends. They're relationship was based off mutual friends, although they were the only ones in the group that didn't enjoy parties and drinking accessibly. They shared a rather 'love, hate' relationship ending in name calling, arguments and even sometime violence, nothing more than the occasional shove or push.

But he was still her friend.

So there he found himself telling Lynn about all that had happened. He told _everything_, and by everything, it meant he had told her some stuff he hadn't even told Jordan or Zeke. He found it easier somehow to talk to someone who was most likely to not be listening, maybe it was the fact that no matter what he said no one would even do anything about it? Or even the fact that Lynn would never remember anything he told her, not even a word.

"Good talk Lynn," He stood up walking to the doorway but paused thinking about something. "Get better soon, even _I_ miss haven' you around." He looked back at the bed and his face held a tight lipped smile. Shaking his head a bit he walked out of the room, with a sudden despair.

What if Lynn died?

There would no longer be that one person that didn't drink excessively other than him. He would have no one to fight with anymore. He wouldn't be able argue with anyone anymore because they would all back down, scared of him. He wouldn't be able to call her a sadistic bitch and she call him a stone faced bastard.

Another level of sadness hit him.

His group would ever be the same, with Lynn's absence Shauna would be depressed. Zeke affected by Shauna's mood, Marlene affected by the loss of her best friend, Uriah affected by both the loss of a childhood friend and by Marlene's mood. All bringing it back to him.

He sighed and he suddenly felt claustrophobic, overwhelmed by the rush and exhilaration of a hospital. He had to stop thinking about what would happen _if _Lynn happened to pass. That's why he had never classed himself as an optimised.

His thoughts drifted back towards the girl with the intoxicating personality and beauty. He had given her his phone number and address for when she was ready to talk to him or for any other reason, she could find. He didn't care, anything that brought them together.

He was an idiot, he knew.

She only merely a stranger, he happened to be acquainted with. She would most likely never care about him the same way as he did. Heck he didn't even understand how he felt about her, how could he expect her to feel the same way.

He was _so _fucked up.

There was two sides to him, the compassionate, delicate and wounded one and the cold, cut off and removed one. One of them he wished he could be more than the other, but found it the other way around. He had such a hard time with his emotions after years of hiding and lying about them. Sometimes he wished he would cry when he felt sad, smile and laugh when it was appropriate, tell people how he _felt_ about _anything_. He wished he could yell out that he was a forgotten, traumatized, neglected and abused (emotionally, mentally and physically) child.

Why was it that even though he managed to escape his father, Marcus still managed haunt his dreams?

Would he grow up, get married, have kids and turn in to that beast or would he be a great dad?

Maybe but what stuped him was the expression:

_Like father like son._

He was damned.

*2 months later*

_July, 21__st__2014,_

Four sat alone in his apartment. A lot and not enough had happened in the last two months. Lynn got out of the hospital with temporary memory loss and regained it two weeks ago. Shauna and Zeke announced they were getting married, Jordan found out that Beatrice was her half-sister and that she also has a half-brother, both younger than her, and because of that she spends most of her time with them. All that and so many more little things. He was turning twenty-three in thirty-four days on August twenty-fourth.

He threw on a shirt when he heard a knock on the front door of the place he called home. Four walked all the way to the door and threw it open, expecting it to be Zeke or another one of his friends standing in the dim light hallway of the building were his home was found but didn't not expect this.

_She _stood in the doorway, her blond hair in a ponytail. Her eyes enlightened by mascara and eyeliner. Her legs both healed, she looked like a healthy weight and most of the damaged was left under the surface.

"Hi," She said and bet her head down, embarrassed as a blush crept its way onto her no longer as pale cheeks.

**hey guys,**

**so this is a longer chapter than I had originally thought it would so, yay**

**this is going to be the last update for the next week, until next Monday because tomorrow I have the 12&u water polo tournament, yes I can play its from the year 2001 and then heading down to my grand parents place and i'm not allowed to bring my pc cause a girl down there tends to steal things. :(**

**but its going to be really fun cause were going tubing and 4 wheeling and im gona learn to drive one and were gona camp out on this island. :)**

**question of the day: do you like doing any of that stuff^**

**Answer of the day: of course not *Roles eyes sarcastically***

**~J**


	17. Chapter 16

**Chapter 16**

**Tris**

**I push it down, **

**Push it down,**

*1 month earlier*

_June 21__st__2014,_

_Dear diary,_

_As of lately things in my life has been increasing getting better. Although I don't really feel the happiness I should, or the healthy sadness for all I've lost. Instead the numbness settled on myself yet again. It crushes me with every breath I take and eats me alive. I shared no compassion, heart to heart confession with anybody. And I hate myself for it, it's the hole I call my problems was undug only to be redug. Wow that sounds pathetic. Sure I'll have those moments of shire bliss, were I feel everything at once but it's not the same as being able to express my feelings with you, or even fell anything for that matter._

_Most of the time, I try to feel but I just can't. As if someone tied up my emotions and threw them away with the trash. As if someone took my, already blacked heart, out of my body completely. I do wish I could feel but then don't because if I can feel I can hurt. And if I can hurt, someone is bound to screw me over for they always do. And I fear feeling for someone, something because with the whisk of a finger they could be gone in a flash. _

_So I refuse to get attached, I resist the temptation to be loved, to love. Leave my past behind me, because if I keep looking back it will only slow me down… right?_

_As of my departure from the hospital I have been living with my brother and his wife, Cara, an ER doctor my brother meet through a friend. Cara is a difficult figure, with an off, on like switch. One day she'll be a great sister-in-law the others, a queen bitch. Although they aren't home much I do what I can for them, like cooking, doing washing, helping them when they need it. I do admit, though at times it gets quite lonely._

_I started physical therapy for my injuries I received in the car accident that nearly killed myself and another girl, I have come to as Lynn, and severely injured my half-sister, Jordan._

_Jordan and I have spent most of our spare time together, talking about random things such as sushi or cake. She happens to be just shy of two years older than me and no longer has a family after the death of her mother, Tori, two years ago. She is basically my only friend and I appreciate her for sticking around though, sometimes the nightmare are too much, the memories too vivid and I break down._

_As of two weeks I have been attending AA (Alcoholics Anonymous) every Thursday. I no longer drink accessibly and have complete control over that part of my life. I do admit I have not yet shared my story with the group because not as many things as I had wished had been solved._

_No, I have not yet told the blue eyed mystery the truth, even though I promised the truth to him. _

_It's cowardly of me, trust me, I know._

_But there's something more to the famous Four, his eyes hold stories as old as himself and he forces them down. Perhaps he is like me, stories that are meant to be shared kept hidden for reasons unknown. Perhaps he is uncomfortable with the world knowing things that could potentially ruin him and his reputation. Or maybe it's the way he was brought up, like me, told not to burden people with our problem for they could potentially be going through worse and I know that even though it's an act of selflessness is not the best way to live._

_I feel for him. I know what it's like to stop myself from telling people things. To think that others would be hurt, to forget about myself. To look away from the mirror because I will be my undoing if I become my obsession…_

_Right?_

_Wrong._

_Most of the time the best option is to forget yourself and help others, yes but we must remember ourselves. We must be kind to each other but not let people blow over us. Tell the truth when it's needed but remember people have feelings. Use the knowledge we obtain as an advantage, not against someone. Be brave. Face fears, head on. Look passed the danger and help but learn to use it properly. Forget brutal force, bullying because sometimes being brave is completely adapting yourself to be a better person for it can be a task as hard as a war itself. _

_I'm going to do it when I'm ready. That's when I'll tell him. It may be months for this moment or even years but it'll be when I'm ready. _

_I still have no idea or what I'll do what I'll say but at least I will have fulfilled my promise. The one I gave him that horrid day. _

_Somehow that two days were the best and worst days of my life. I almost died twice, but I managed to tell the mysterious blue eyed pop star. That day I saw my mother, she gave me the will to fight. I saw my brother, who I forgave that same day, who I love, who offered me a place to live despite everything wrong with me. _

_That's what family is for, right? _

_That's it for today,_

_~Tris_

*1 month later*

_July 21__st__2014_

"Caleb! I'm going out to a friend's place, I'll be back later!" Tris yelled up the stairs to her brother who seemed to be taking his time getting out of bed on the Monday morning. Of course he had the day off on holiday.

Tris waited for an answer but her brother did nothing to even remotely acknowledge her. She sighed, she then grabbed a pen and paper off the kitchen counter in front of her. She wrote a simple note with the smallest detail she could possibly use. Hoping her brother would leave her alone without calling or anything to disturb the chat she would be having with a certain bye eyed boy.

Since moving in with Caleb, Tris couldn't get Four out of her head. She couldn't sleep, without having the memories of the lies, flashing in her eyes and an ache burn itself deep in her chest, were her heart belonged. She couldn't sleep without his face burning in her brain. Every single detail tattooed itself to her eyelids, his deep ocean blue eyes made her drown. She'd never felt this way before about anybody and she hated it. The way he claimed her mind when it went silent, the way he found himself in every little thought she could think. Tris hated the fact she was completely and utterly out of control.

Tris had fought with herself for nights. She had no idea what to say what to do, but with a burst of confidence she found herself on her new motorcycle, wearing a leather jacket and black skinny jeans, threw on her black and red rose helmet she received from her brother for all the times he missed her birthday.

She cried only once since moving in with Caleb, when she had explained to him what had happened over the years were he was no were to be seen in her life. Other than that it was as if Tris had put herself in an emotionless coma. She hadn't been happy, really, when Caleb offered to let her stay at his house, only grateful. It wasn't as bad as before, she will eat full meals and some snacks, she no longer drinks with the same intensity or for the same reason, she won't even, so much as even pick up the bottle.

But…

She still doesn't feel, she still hates herself, still blames herself for the murder of her parents. She feels nothing but the guilt, for being a burden to everyone around her or close to her. She hated it, she hated herself for it, she basically was at war with herself all over again.

Tri slammed her hands onto the handle bars of her bike and rode off down the deserted road.

_What if he hates me for the time I took away from him?_

_Or the way I tell the truth?_

_What if he doesn't like the truth?_

_What if he no longer wants to see me, again?_

_What if…_

And the list went on and on. Tris went over every single 'what if' that paced over her mind but one.

What if he ended up…

_Loving _her?

She marched up the stairs after sneaking through a crowd of people, to get to the apartment unnoticed. Her hands shook, her almost lost her footing a few times and she felt a bile rise in her throat. God, she was_ extremely_ nervous. Actually nervous wouldn't cut for how anxious Tris was.

Her head spun as she knocked against the hard black wood of the door to fours apartment.

_He lives here?_ She thought to herself for it was awfully modest for a world renowned singer, song writer and actor. With the amount of money he made, he was expected and pressured in to living in expensively large homes or flats but instead he opted for something less expensive and fancy. The apartment building he did live in was an expensive choice, yes, with most of the homes having two bedrooms, a kitchen, living room, two bathrooms, and a den on the second story of the home (all of which were updated to be at the standards of modern technology and design).

She could faintly here someone rummaging through door that sat between her and an obvious what if. She kept her eyes trained on the floor that lied under her Doc Martine's (a gift from Caleb and Cara) as the handle to this door twisted, awfully slowly almost in annoyance. She snapped her eyes up as the door swung open and blushed furiously.

There stood the blued eyed pop star, there stood the man with countless stories hidden beneath the surface. There stood the man who waited, patiently, for two whole months for the truth she had promised him.

_Be brave. _Her mother's last words and death wish, rung in her head as she looked down at the floor, cheeks a flame.

"Hi," she said and lifted her head to be met with an extremely shocked Four. His hair mussed and stuck out in places.

"Uhg… hi?" he said but came out more of a question. She let out a nervous laugh and subconsciously scratched her arm. "OH, um, do you, ah, want to, um, come in?" he asked her, while scratching at the back of his neck, nervously.

She had the power to make_ Four_, the emotionless super star, _nervous_?

"Sure." She said as he moved out of the way so she could make her way into his home. As she had predicted it was modest for someone like him but also awfully large for someone like her.

"so you can, um, just take a seat right over there," he said still as nervous as she was, whilst pointing to a plush white arm chair. "Do you want anything to drink?"

"No thank you, I quite alright." She declined, despite her mouth having gone dry because she was most likely to spill it for her hands were still shaking.

He took a seat on th coach that found itself in fornt of her pale blue eyes. She took a deep breath and begun.

"My life turn upside down in high school. I hated school, more than anything i ever hated before. A girl, Molly, would always pick on me for being a goody two shoes, a smart ass, Molly called me too fat to even be human. I had cried myself to sleep but was too selfless to let anyone know I had been struggling, I should have known better. The only person that knew what happened on a daily basis was Al.

"Al, a good friend of mine, had been the only one I cared for really. He was my only supporter, he got me through life when I had wanted to die, but after the death of my parents, I guess leaned to heavily on him and he walked away. Of course I was devastated, it was the first time I tried to commit suicide and definitely not the last time. Word had gotten around school of what had happened and Al came to me." She paused, years had gone by but she was still affected by it the same way.

"He told me to kill myself that I was just a piece of worthless shit. I broke down right then and there, I could hear the laugh of those brainwashed teens. I tried to kill herself again but later resorted to alcohol as my permanent solution.

"At grad, everyone showed up hugging and crying because they wouldn't see each other on a daily basis, I stood in the background only half into it. I was still buzzed from an earlier celebration I gave myself for graduating. I hardly even noticed when a boy came to see me. He took me by the shoulders and only then did I notice who this boy was. Al. I _hated_ him, I wished I could have cause him pain. All of the pain I had felt after he left.

"He had come to ask forgiveness for his sins, forgiveness in which I could never give him. And I told him that. I let her feelings for him pour out of her now blackened soul, she told him how much she hated him, how much he had ruined her life. I had turned away and left a tearful Al standing in the corner.

"Al had killed himself that night. That night that was supposed to be a happy and celebrative night. People came by his family's house offering condolences but found no one there. I had stayed in my family's house cooped up in my parent's bed as I cried, it was all my fault. If I had just forgiven him-"

"Tris, you can't blame yourself for his actions. Please, it's not your fault." Four said to her, it was comfort in which she did not deserve.

"Anyways, I mentioned that my parents had died and I'm going to tell you how," she begun and choked back a sob. "On my eighteenth birthday, I turned on the world. I was out shopping with my parents when a robber took control of the small shop. He told everyone to put their phones on the table but my parents refused. They tried to call 911 twice. The first time they were cut off and second time they succeeded only to be shot down, right in front of me, their now eighteen year old daughter. Tris had never been the same. Unlike everyone else I didn't go to university the next year. Instead I stayed home and drank myself sick." She looked up at Four to find he had found his way over to her. He kneeled in front of her.

"Tris, I want you to know that I've done something's and not done something's that I now regret. You see, my father was never the nicest person. He beat my mother and murdered her when I was four. Then he beat me for every single thing I ever did wrong." Four began as he pulled his shirt off to reveal a tattooed back. Tris ran her down the inked skin to find it uneven and covered in scars. She gasped and pulled away. "When I was 19 he decided to rob a jewelry store, I knew what he was doing and that he had a gun in his pants but I did nothing. I watched as he murdered a mother and a father with six shots, six bullets. And I did nothing. So before you go blaming yourself for your parent's death, think of me first." He got up and walked away to the kitchen.

"Four," She said with tears in her eyes, not because she blamed him but because she felt his pain. "I know what its like to suffer in silence. Trust me I do. So I'm not going to let you do that to yourself any longer." She wiped her eyes.

"Please," He said taking a step toward her as she stood up.

"Tris," Another step.

"Call me," Another step.

"Tobias" Another step.

"Okay," She said as he took another step.

"Tobias." Another step.

"It's nice," he said taking another step.

"To hear," Another step.

"My name again." Another step. He leaned and rested his head on her forehead, their breathing mingled, noses touching. He looked in her eyes then glanced down at her lips.

"You're not mad? You don't detest me? Hate me with all you heart?" With every word his lips grazed hers leaving a buzzing felling on them.

"No," she said smiling. "How could I ever hate someone like you?" she asked.

And his answer…

He kissed her.

She poured her whole being into the kiss. And he did the same.

They moved like dancers with grace, they told each other stories in the kiss. They moved all the way to his bedroom where he laid her down on the bed, kissing up and down her neck sucking on sensitive spots, causing her to moan in pleasure.

He smiled as she pulled of her own shirt, her jacket was long gone, revealing a black and pink lace bra.

"Are you sure?" He asked her.

And in the heat of the moment she answered, "Yes."

They went all the way.

Both of them losing their virginity.

Tris waited in till Tobias was asleep fully before pulling herself out of the sheets and getting dressed. Tears ran down her cheeks as she looked at him one last time.

She wrote a note saying some lame excuse for her leaving and stuck it on the fridge.

It wasn't the truth.

She was running from the need to feel love, getting too close.

But she had fallen for the blue eyed boy, hard.

And was running from it because everything that falls breaks…

Right?

**Hey guys,**

**immmmmm back!**

**booyah! 3065 words! hell yah beotches**

**hope you liked this chapter ;)**

**FOURTRIS FLUFFFFFFFFF!**

**hahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHHAHAHAHA im soo evil. lol.**

**QOTD: Review, favorite, rate and follow?**

**AOTD:Review, favorite, rate and follow.**


	18. Chapter 17

**Chapter 17**

**Four**

**With the beast inside,**

**There's nowhere we can hide,**

_I wake up to the sound of pounding on my door. It tends to happen quite often when Jordan wants something from me but today them sound isn't urgent. It's angry_

_I look around the room, from its gray walls, the small desk in corner to the tiny window above my bed. This isn't my bedroom. This is the torture room I once called mine. _

_I hear whimpering in the corner of the room as the door slams open. Marcus marches in with a belt in his hand and a frustrated expression. The whimpering moves from the shadows and I'm meat by the familiar face of the 19 year old me. _

_I look away for a second, back at Marcus. His eyes a flame, teeth clenched, jaw set. My eyes return to the younger me to find that it's no longer me but Tris…._

_"__Tris you're going to get hurt!" I try to yell but my mouth refuses to move. I stand up frantically, looking from Tris to Marcus and so forth._

_Marcus' hand shoots and Tris throws her arms up in front of her beautiful face, anticipating the hit. _

_But it never comes. _

_My wrist stings from the blow. The way he tightens the belt around it before letting go and walking out, calm and collected._

_I turn my body and am met by the gaze of the blue eyed beauty. Tears well up in her eyes as she turns around and sob to herself. I wrap my arms around her waist and she turned ready to attack._

_"__Tobias, I love you." She exclaimed before she kissed me._

Tobias woke up on a cold mattress and covers down by his waist. Sighing he rolled over to find the other side of the bed vacant. He frowned.

It's not as if he expected her to be there when he woke up but would have been a lot more content to hug her naked body. But then again it was a Monday at three in the afternoon and she had to most likely get to work or back to where ever she lives now. Or she was blaming him for the death of the only parents she ever had, will ever had.

He let out a groan.

Fuck his father.

Fuck his past.

Fuck his feelings.

Fuck his god damned life.

Why did everything he did or didn't do somehow revolve around his past or father? Why did everything come to him only after he spent all his time and money on it? Why couldn't he have what he wanted when he wanted? Why was the world so unfair? These were the questions he asked himself everyday but came back empty minded and the thought of the fact he would never have these answers made his soul blacken to a shade just darker.

With a groan Four propped himself up on his elbows looking around his bedroom for his boxers, which had been discarded somewhere in his room. Only to find them all the way across his room under his desk, how they got there he had no idea. He slipped on his jeans but had a hard time looking for his favorite shirt, which he discovered was missing. Instead he found a small black woman's V-neck lying just outside of his bedroom door and smiled.

Tris had taken his favorite T-shirt, thinking it was hers and hadn't even realised. He versioned her walking out head down hair a mess, bag strung over her shoulder and her jacket hung over her arm. Her boots unlaced pants ruffled and make-up all over, doing the walk of shame. He chuckled to himself silently and walked in to his kitchen.

The green color of the sticky note found itself on the black, grey and white marble counter top. The words strung out it a messy print, by the black ink of the pen that rested beside the note.

It read:

_Tobias, _

_If your awake and wondering why I couldn't stay, I had go back home and help my brother with a few things, like cleaning or whatever else his wife wants me to slave me in to. _

_If you need to call me for anything, here's my cell:_

_P.S: I live with my brother so that's why I didn't give you the home phone._

_~Tris_

It was an awfully unsentimental note, with no ounce of happiness or any unnecessary flirting or obsessive us of a winky face. A frown appeared on the super stars face, had she not enjoyed herself? Or perhaps it was the fact that he had basically told her that his father had murdered the only two people she would ever call her parents, in cold blood, whilst he knew what was going to happen?

Either way he fucked up.

He was so bad with girls.

And so the great Four, the one who _never_ asked for anything remotely close to advice, found the courage inside him to call up his friends for some girl advice and drinks, even though it was only 3:00 p.m.

"Hey Zeke, do you wanna come over? I kinda need some…, uh, you know… advice?" Four cringed and waited for the shrill of excitement that was bound to be produced by the vocal cords found inside the body of his friend.

"YESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS, OH MY GOD, I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME. YES, YHES, YASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS." The yelling continued for a series of minutes before finally reducing itself, when Zeke sated a simple 'yes' and confirmed that he would call Uriah and Will, for some much needed beers and, he quoted: 'Some immensely needed bro time.'

Four ended the call and heaved a sigh, he would never hear the end of it. What had he done? Zeke would never let him off the hook, this time. Four was dammed.

By the time the men arrived it was 3:30 in the afternoon. They arrived armed with beers and weed, yes weed, they had all pledged to not get addicted to the drug but Zeke kept a stash hidden away somewhere in his house that he refused to tell the rest of their certain group of friends.

"Four, my man, what is it you need help with?" Zeke asked a smug grin marked on his face. He scanned the group of men in front his eyes. Uriah sat to his left on the sofa with Will, whilst Zeke sat on the love seat and he sat across form Zeke, on an angle.

"I met a girl-" He started when Uriah cut him off.

"Oh my God, guys, Four met a girl!" Uri exclaimed, half sarcastically half seriously. Four rolled his eyes.

"Shut it Uri, at least I'm not the one who basically followed a girl around for two years, you stalker." Four said with a smirk on his face, it was the truth, Uriah had in fact followed Marlene around for two year before finally asking her out. Zeke made a face trying to contain his laughter, Will's `face held a smile whilst Uriah's was flushed in embarrassment and frustration.

"As I was saying, I met a girl at Uri's party a few days back, she went by the name Amanda…" Four told them about the odd events that went on during the party to the car accident and her nearly dyeing.

"About six hours ago she showed up here, with her head hung low in embarrassment, to tell me about her. A promise she made two months ago, on this day, yet she still managed to remember. Tris is beautiful, honestly and she told me about a rough past she had and how she had lived the past few years, alone in a hole she called home. She told a few things that struck home for me, so I let my past slip. She kissed me, I kissed her and that lead to other things but she left me a note and I'm worried what it means." Four finished quickly flush, even the slightest of red lined his cheeks, and handed the note to Zeke first, whilst Uriah past him a joint which he gladly took. He took a swig of the powerful drug and felt his muscles relax ever so slightly and smiled. This was exactly what he needed.

"Well I think we should all just celebrate because no one in this room is virgin anymore!" Will said enthusiastically showing that the beer had in fact made its way to his head. Everybody cracked a smile even Four who had at first thought he was calling them over for advice but found himself leaning more towards the fact he just wanted to be with friends, surrounded by his people to forge his hell-ish life, to forget the fact he had fallen hard for a girl that most likely hate him.

He remembered the times late at night when he prayed to find his people, people that were like him, knew him, were him but he realised now that his people were the people nothing like him, yet had some much in common. They were the horrible group of twenty year old outcasts, the people whose parents were ashamed to call their own. His people was a group of broken misfits whose best days were some of the worst, who stumbled upon a company nice enough to offer them jobs. The people who fell apart as they watched one of their own rise above and fall under the spell of fame.

He regretted ever joining the Hollywood fame group. Full of meetings and fake smiles, rumors and lies. Lights and cameras. He wished he'd stayed a small misfit unlikely to ever win in life. He wished he'd stayed with his people.

And now he paid the price for it all.

**Hey guys,**

**its been a long time. sorry.**

**do you accept my apology?**

**no? I didn't think you would.**

**that's okay tho, I wouldn't forgive me too if I were you.**

**anyways, ive spent a long time thinking and after a few things happen I think that will be the end. but i'll tell you when the last chapter is. :)**

**QOTD: do you forgive me?**

**AOTD: don't worry i'll take the honesty.**

**~J**


	19. Chapter 18

**Chapter 18**

**Tris**

**I'm gonna fly like a bird through the night,**

**Feel my tears as they dry,**

*Two days later*

It had been exactly two whole days since Tris had slept with Four, no Tobias. It's not that she regretted doing it or wished she could take it back but she had thought it would settle the chaos in her brain and heart. She had not expected for her to lie awake at night, tossing and turning, her body aching with the need to feel the simplest of touches from him and only him. His bright blue eyes were everywhere she went, she saw them in the sky, the ocean, the Windex bottle, the place mats, hell he was even in her favorite pair running shoes. He was everywhere, yet nowhere. Not to mention the fact that she slept in the shirt, she had happened to take home by mistake, which carried a faint sent of him. Metal, sweat, and cologne. It was her favorite thing in her closet.

She should have been extremely mad at Tobias, having admitted that his father had been the person to kill her parents. She should have been so pissed off, mad, hateful but Tris couldn't shake the fact that Tobias wasn't his father. He was also frightened of what his father would do to him had he'd said something. He was scared that his father would kill him. She found herself vengeful for both her parents and Tobias. Marcus Eaton deserved the hell he had easily paced out to others, unannounced.

By now her brother had noted down the strange behaviour she had developed, like the way she was quiet and no longer had long arguments with Cara- as much as he approved it was odd- or the way she smiled to herself when she thought no one was watching or even the fact that she wore a black overly-large men's shirt to bed, and is wasn't Caleb's. He was suspicious and Tris knew.

So when he showed up at Tris' door that Wednesday morning at nine a.m. her heart skipped a beat. She was worried, what would her brother think of her? Surely he would think of her a slut because she slept with someone she just met. And how would she explain that she knew more about Tobias that about Caleb himself and felt like she had known Tobias for years?

"Beatrice, what is wrong with you?" she looked away from the questioning stare that found itself in her brothers thoughtful eyes. He was only curious but sometimes in got on her nerves like it was now.

"What do you think, Caleb? Because seriously, aren't you the smart kid, the one that was _destined_ to succeed. You're the smart doctor, right? So give me a diagnosis, doc. 'Cause I don't know, anymore." She spat the words, jealously and anger gripped her, giving her speech a sarcastic growl.

"Tris…" Caleb said attentively, as if she would throttle him if he said something wrong and he was right to think that because in this moment in time she wished to wring his neck.

"I slept with someone, okay. Someone I had met after the car accident, and I promised him that I would tell him everything, so I did. And he cared, he cared so much and I let him kiss me and the kiss, it was wonderful, my first, my first time having sex. I just melted into him." She smiled to herself and blushed when she remembered the way he had whispered how she was beautiful but then her demeanor changed completely.

"But Caleb I screwed up, I told myself I'd never get attached, run from love because I screw everything up. And now when I'm alone I crave the simple things, it's as if I'm romantically horny. I carve his arms around my shoulders, his lips on my forehead, the way he holds me when I give him a hug." She sighed just thinking about it and self-consciously gave herself a hug.

"I ran away that day, I ran from the only good thing that happened to me in a long time because I fucking fuck up everything good that happens to me. Eighteenth birthday, BAM! Our parents die! Al, BAM! Died. You, BAM! Boarding school! Me, well I fucking sulked at home drinking because it kept these things we call fucking emotions in check." And she let all of her hysteria out wanting to curl up in a ball with Tobias' t-shirt because as of right now it was the only thing keeping her sane.

She needed Tobias here, she wanted Tobias here. So she ushered Caleb out of her room yelling at him to get his lazy arse to work and to stop worrying about her so much. She waited in till her brother's car pulled out of the driveway and speed down the road before digging around to find Tobias' phone number and calling him.

"Hello?" Fours voice sounded tired and sleepy. It was incredibly sexy and only made the ache in her chest worse.

"Hi, Tobias, it's Tris." She explained, hoping he was at home. She also wished she didn't sound like a crazy person.

"Oh, um, hi Tris. What can I, uh, help you with?" He asked sounding more awake and eager as if he was happy to here from her.

"I, um, wanted to invite you over to, um, my house." She nervously scratched at her neck, he hadn't called her all week, was he avoiding her?

"Oh, sure, I'll come. What's the address?" He asked voice higher and filled with a certain happiness. Strange.

"121, Catalans, just off Erudite Lane." She could hear the rustling sound of sheets being thrown off.

"Alright I'll be over soon." He said his voice muffle by the sound of a tooth brush, she let out a little bit of a giggle at his eagerness.

"Bye, handsome." She said in a low seductive voice and smiled at the phone.

"See yah soon, beautiful." He answered in an equally deep and seductive voice that warmed her chest and made her head spin. She blushed at his comment and hung up the phone.

She got out of her lazy pants and put on a skater skirt and a small and tight black tank-top. She combed her hair, and put some simple make-up on (mascara and a tiny bit of eyeliner). Tris definitely made sure that her black lace thong matched up with her red and black lace bra. She smiled at herself in the mirror it was perfect.

She rushed out of the baby blue room in which she had made her home. She looked around the home it wasn't certainly the cleanest house but there was a question that stumped her more than the cleanliness or the way she dressed herself.

What were they?

She dressed up for him, worried if the house was clean enough. She told him her secrets, he told her his. But _what_ were they? Were they friends? Were they friends with benefits or were they together?

Her head spun. There were so many question she couldn't answer. Did she feel for him?

Yes she did. The symptoms were there, like the way she ached for his presence, for the way he pushed her blond hair out of her eyes or the way he placed soft kisses on her forehead. She liked the way their kisses told the stories words would never describe. She found herself smiling when she was on her own. But what hit Tris' feelings and head the hardest was the fact that she was kept up at night because she craved Tobias' strong arms around her small frame.

But did he feel the same way?

Did he want to hold her, caress her? Would he even want to be with her? She didn't know. So she stuck to the safe root, just sleeping with him, afraid to love again.

A ringing sound came from the front door, a few minutes after she seemed to have block her mind from the sick thoughts. Slowly she walked to the door, with her head held high. Carefully she opened the door to find the blue eyed star standing at her door in all his beauty.

"Hey there handsome." She smiled and thrust out an arm signally him in to the small suburban home. She offered him any drinks in which he declined simply stating he planned on driving but he was not thirsty. "So what's new, mister hot shot?" She asked sitting down next to him on the pale blue sofa.

"Nothing really. Other than the press harassing me." He muttered under his breath, his jaw muscles tightening in anger. She ran her hand down his face and said something surprising both of them.

"Let's get out of here, borrow some of my brothers clothes, hat and sunglasses." She said pulling him up from the chair and pushing him in the direction of her brother's bedroom.

And that's how they wound up spending the day hanging around an amusement park. They spent their day going on most of the rides, Tris constantly asking him if he would be alright with the height that each of the rides possessed and Tobias always answering each time with a simple yes and a shake of the head wearing a smile. It was easily the best day in Tris' life since her eighteenth birthday.

How did they end their night? With her and Tobias, back at her brother's place naked and asleep in each other's arms. Fast asleep, oblivious to the world.

Tris was woken up by a light shake on her exposed shoulder. Groaning she opened an eye and found herself staring at the face of Cara. _Shit, _was the first thought that came to her mind when she was awake enough to register Tobias' strong arms wrapped around her torso one hand finding itself on her rear end. She found her leg between his legs and her arm lying across his torso.

"What the fuck is this?!" Cara screamed, succeeding in not only waking up Tobias but Caleb too.

"Fuck." She muttered.

What had she gotten herself into?

**Hey guys,**

**I love all of you. (just so that you know)**

**I know I said something in my last chapter that had everyone stumped so I'm clearing it up. in a few chapters and when some things happen, i'll be ending the story. yes I know bummer right? **

**trust me I would have the story going forever if I could but i'm going to grade 8 in the sport-etudes program and I wont have that much time for this and I wouldn't want to have you guys suffering with my cliff hangers for a looooooooooooong time.**

**anyways sorry**

**~J**


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